not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Thursday, April 01, 2004

mick makes his first appearance . . .

damn I feel good, I love doing drag, i love the look of facial hair on me. saddly I don't have my camera with me, otherwise I would put a pic up here. I have these chops, they are L-shapped like in joe dirt without his gottee, I have this bit of hair under my lip. I don't want to take it off, I wish that I could wear this everyday - well no I wish that I flet that I had the choice to wear it when ever I wanted. Doing drag is completely connected to the pub, to an event. I would like to normalise it, but I don't know if I have the energy to do that . . . it would take time and energy to get ready, and it would take emotional energy to deal with peoples reactions. I have gender priviledge in the sence that I can go home and take off the hair, undo the binding and look like a girl. In the morning my shere existance will not be challanging any essential gender and sex assumptions.
so I got an email from clare and she got clicked from the cute canandian girl with the zines that we met earlier that day at the infoshop, but she didn't get death . . . what to do next is the question on our lips, I suppose there is no harm on emailing and go out once to see if there was anything more to it then just the five min chat at the speed dating table. I'm encouraging clare all the way but don't know if I should go ahead. first of all I didn't talk to any of them about being poly - and I don't know if james and my relationship is strong enough now to handle me dating someone else . . . plus until exam are done I don't really have time . . .
t and q make it in!!!

the lgb now lgbtq society had there annual general meeting today - the main issue was the name change, I wanted to go and argue for it, but decided to go to class instead, it was a tuff choice - well not really I know that my arguements would be covered by others this time, unlike congress where I was basically on my own. And the sociology class seems ot be the one that I miss all the time or fall asleep in or just don't get it, and since I have to write two essays for this class during exams I better start figuring out what is going on. And actually it was the best class todate, we talked about social movements. For once I followed what he was saying and was not completely offended by the arguements. I will probably write one of my essays on social movements.

A right decition and one wrong one, after class edward and I went to the meeting where attacked by happy queer giving us hugs and celebrating the name change. I had a permenant smile on my face. They were all going out to celebrate at the george, but stupid me didn't go with my instinct - instead I went with the strange sence of union obligation that doens't really exist but at the same time you would wonder if we are a cult. This guy from the union was signing at the student bar, he is great and has a great voice. BUt I spent the night at the bar with the same people I always hang out with board out of my mind. I attempted to chat with people but the energy was horrible and I couldn't even fake a conversation. The worst part was dermot was the last act so I had to sit there and wait . . . I should have just gone into town with the happy queer and danced the nights away . . .

speed dating results are in

ahh how exciting, I got all the three people that I said yes to, know I have their email address and they have mine, I suppose the rest is up to me . . . will I do anything about it? don't know. The thing is clare clicked the same women that I did and if she wants to go on a date with them I don't want to aswell. I do have a boyfriend and all and didn't really talk about that with any of the women who clicked me.

One of them is this gorgous women who actually organized the event, clare and I gave her the name death. We went to see this movie the other night with death was one of the characters who was this very elegant women. and the night of the speed dating this women was dressed like her, a corset, dress pants and heels. so either clare and i could have a date with death!!

getting that email lifted my spirits - getting nervous about the persentation tomorrow!! don't really know why, I have a good grasp of the material, have gotten over my public speaking fear, I think it has to do with doing drag, I am excited about it and nervous at the same time. Its been a while since I did drag and I always did it in a casual way never performance. . . I had a dream last night about doing drag and I couldn't get it right. I just didn't pass at all and looked foolish. Actually it was a fun dream because james and I were doing drag together, I was so preoccupied about making him look great that I continiously forgot essential items of drag, like only had one side burn. Forgot my bounding, and my breast seemed much larger in the dream then they are in real life. james looked great in an evening gown and all (acutally I think he would look silly in an evening gown but hey the subconsciuos does stranges things). I'm sure it will be great, just not feeling it right now . . . I should have hung out with queers tonight to get myself ready for tomorrow . . .

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

another day blah blah blah

I think the highlight of today was listening to dublin kids shout abuse at the icecream truck guy and then watching them jump on the back on the van.

after 6 months or so of living here I finally saw the oscar wilde statue, its very cool, he has real rings on his fingers and it is in full colour using red, green, grey and black marbel. It is the best statue I have ever seen . .

I have to get this period hormone thing in check, since I have been here I have gotten 4 or so periods, each time I seem to lose the plot (a new favorite irish expression). really though I tend to go a bit mad, emotions are so hightened and I seem to pick fights and can't get along with people, it is best if I just stay in my room and cry and then move on with the world at least for a day or two. Mud can attest to this, when she was here I got my period and of course didnt' know it was coming all I knew was that nothing was quite right and I was upset about it. james sure can, first of all the insane flow of consciouness emails he got when mud was here and well everytime so far I have blamed him for all the wrongs in the world (although I'm sure some of them must have to do with him - jokes). how did this never happen to me for the first 10-12 years of my period, the inner turmoil, the rage. I'm glad calmness and clarity have entered my world again until the next unforseen bought of insanity . ..

Monday, March 29, 2004

exam stress and sucky roommates

everyone here is really stressed about exams, they are not semestered so all exams are cumilative. so imagine your most stressed out friend when it comes to exam time and multiple that person so they take over every persons personality at your college and in your house. there you have it folks, its hell, no one wants to talk or hang out. they don't seem to be able to caparementailaize or time manage so they have a moment where exams are not the only thing on their minds. my flat mates are shorter then usual leaving this place a hell to be in, its like having five mathews without even one sal to balance it out, ok maybe not that bad!!! but really no one talks anymore, I feel uncomfortable sitting in the living room and stay issolated in my room.

The thing is the colloge was talking about semesterization and there is huge resistance. I say both sides at first. coming from a partial semestered program, I always enjoyed the half credit courses more, I got more out of them and it allowed for more variety in the courses you get to take. The main arguement against it is that it will lessen the social aspects of college. That if people had exams both in december and may that it would prevent people from being so involved with societies and campaigns.

the thing is I bought this at first because it is true the environment here is so much better then back home, so much more seems to happen. But I think there is a huge misconception in there arguement. With exams only at the end of the year you start lossing people involvement and campaigning for a good month to two months before exams. When there are exams at christmas and spring, you have less exams, there is a smaller gap of time from the beginning of the course till the end so more of the material is fresh in your head. so acutally there is only a few weeks before each set of exams when people stop getting involved and you almost never see people as stressed as they are here. (except for the one friend that I mentioned before)

Sunday, March 28, 2004

queer speed dating

a few weeks ago at the alternative miss ireland this women came up to me and told me about a queer speed dating she was putting on. Edward and I thought it would be a great laugh. when he called me today about it I got all gitty. I came back into the vegan cafe with what must have been a excited smile on my face cuz clare and the rest of them turned and asked what it was. We decided to go for the laugh, while we were waiting for it to get started i started to get a bit nervous, what do I ask, what will I say if they ask this or that. It wasn't real nerves just uncertainity about what was about to happen.

the guys were sent to side of the room and the women on the other side. you get five mins per person and then those on the outside move one seat over. At first I paniced at the thought of five mins, but when it came down to it five mins was the perfect amount of time; it is enought time to get beyond the pleasantries and start a conversation and short enough that it doesn't get ackward and in many cases leaves you wanting more.

when the first conversation started I thought this is nice and easy now, but when I have said and heard the same things six times in a row it is going to be hard to fake an interest. yet all six conversations were unique. there were only twelve women there and tons of guys. you only get to talk to half of them, but at least the women I already knew were all in my row so clare and i didn't have to sit there and chat with each other like we do everything other day.

not only were the conversations unique they were all interesting, the interactions took any level of expectation or ackwardness you would get it you just approach someone in the pub. If nothing else it gave us all chances to make new friends. two of the girls had been at the distro earlier that day and I gave my email to one of the girls to get a copy of her zine which had sold out earlier that day. One of other girls was part of staff and students against sexism at UCD and was interested in getting move involved.

anyways to quote edward in a text on my way home "speed dating rocks!"

I have lost my bike keys - life is horrible . . . I had then friday night when I looked up my bike, I only have a hundred metre to walk between my bike and my front door, but I think I must have dropped them on the way. I couldn't find them yesterday but didn't look to hard since my stomach hurt and I wasn't much in the mood for biking anyways, ubt today I have to get all over the city. and alas I can't find my bike keys. I thought I found the spare one but it was james spare key. this really sucks . . .
random tid bits of tobies day

I found out today that they have deep fried mars bars in dublin, I always thought that was just a scottish thing, around easter they have deep fried cream eggs!!!

edward and i are doing a presentation on trangenderism and intersexuality - mitch and ginger will be having a come back for the presentation!

today was filled with saturday at school, missing bike keys, a dodgy period, a frech film based on greek mythology and bad improv comedy.

the best quote I heard today from overhearing a conversation was "be careful of the apples and pears" which I adding into the improv comedy.

The past five nights I have had the opportunity to have a drink but have declined - my body still is upset at me for poisoning it on tuesday night . . .five days dont' seem like much when you say it but considering I was at USI surrounded by those getting drunk, got elected and around peopel getting drunk, out with friends who were having drinks and so on it is a substantial stance. Ok just realize it has actually only been four nights, something to think about.

got a postcard from a friend who has claimed to be abducted by aliens.

spent hours on friday night reading about anarchy.

dublin has been taken over by scottish men in kilts.