tobie's high levels of anxiety almost ruined a perfectly fabulous evening . . . thats how I would start a pulp novel on last night . . . but really I was a bit of a spaz yesterday . . . sneaky dees on a thursday night, 20 people, 3 different tables, I know how we can make this more stressful, lets through cbeb in the mix, I know you havn't seen him in about two months, and you never had closer, but he would be perfect to add to the event . . . ahhhh!!! that was the biggest anxiety moment,

the biggest disappointment in that kim and sk never met, i was starting to wonder if it was ment to be, cuz really sk left asking where kim was and just moments later kim pulled up when I said that sk just left she said how she jsut got back from the cottage and took a cab here in hopes to meet sk . . .maybe next lifetime . . .

now the biggest relief moment . . . the lovely bri had walked in the same moment that I was talking to cbeb - - we are much the same in that we get caged, as she put in, in events and palces like this . . . so her anxiety was at extreams since she had just gotten back from three months of serentity and solitude and arrived in the caotic city, are anxieties clashed she left adn we both felt unsure of what just happened . . . but the one and only bri came back and we had a private wonderful moment together outside away from the insanity, a moment of peace that brought my focus back and redirected my love . . .

and for the happy times, well so many people came out, and it was wonderful to see everyone for the last time. And once it was only ten people and 1 table my anxiety vanised and I was able to relax and socialize like a intergrated member of our society . . . everyone was wonderful and made me feel so loved and made me realize how many lives I have touched and how many people have made a difference in my world. regan made me this scrap book of photos over the past three years, I read it last night while I sat on her bed, it really was the most beautiful presant I have ever gotten--ok it is in compition with sals cds . . .and she gave me "The Alchemist" which is wonderful on its own but it gets better, it was given to her by her best friend for cape bretton, and that girl got it from a good friend aswell, I am to give it to someone who needs it. It is such a beautiful idea, all of our names are written in the front cover . . . and maybe one day it will makes its way home . . .

and now for the perfect moment of the evening . . . a few of us the brave ones, headed down to velvet after sneaky dees . . . I always love a good goth night no cover, no line up and free beer . . . and the entertainment level is at its best . . . after an hour of dancing to "GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS, FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE" surrounded by people taking it compleatly seriously we decided it was time to hit the road, we are putting on our jackets when we all stop in our tracks, we know this song, what is it? FRANK SINATRA by Miss KITTEN . . .we dropped our bags and jackets so fast and ran for the dance floor, the four of us took over and marveled in the fact we had never heard that song played in a club before . . . velvet never seaks to amaze me . . . "mother fuckers are so nice , suck me dick and lick my ass" it was a perfect ending . . . for those who know I made cd for my brothers b-day in may that went over so well that it was made for several other people one of the songs was frank sinatra . . . another one was playgirl by ladytron . . . which is another track that we had never heard out, but as we walked down queen talking about the cosmic forced that played that song for me, my last night in TO, we heard playgirl coming from another club . . . someone loves me!!

all i have to say right now is bjork is the most beautiful person . . . for those who were at the island last night can understand completely. The tears, the look of awe that covered our faces, the energy that filled our bodies, and the orgasmic ending to the breath taking performance and the simple words "thank you" that sounded like magic when they came from her mouth. I have never seen something so beautiful . . . i need to go relive it now . . .

what a day, first of all, I had planned today to be a disaster, I had to go down to admissions and awards, wtih three different issues, and I was sure it would take hours. I was frightened as I walked closer and closer to campus, since it was frosh week. Guy and girls in blue and hard hats were boudly crossing the street, groups of late teens in matching t-shirts were singing songs about programs and colleges that they hate, and first day of school fashion was out making me feel that I did not belong. When I got to A&A there were only three people in line, I barley had time to get my paper work in order before the guy behind the counter mumble "next". I thought a few of my concerns would be difficult but the whole encounter took under five mins. I walked out, confused, what to do, I had planned my day around this event.

So I walked to Young and had a consumer day, I went into Cometic World, where the guy prombly told me I had the wrong bleach and directed me to the fudge counter for my hair colour. I picked our corvet red and mellow yellow. I'm thinking that if I mix the two I will get a interesting orange and then have a range of colour to use in my hair. I'm a bit nervous about the yellow, it looked great when the guy showed my the fake hair sample, but the bottle is a school bus yellow colour . . .umm . . . well we will see.

I then headed down to winners looking for underwear, the sellection was running thin and women everywhere were fighting to reach for the medium cute pairs. I used my elbows pushed through the crowds and found three pairs of cute one. None of them are the shorts kind that I was intially looking for, but when all 3 come to $10 you can't complain. When I was at the cash, the women was ultra cheery, she was doing "FANTASTIC", I really wonder how anyone can be working cash at winners and doing "FANTASTIC", anys I played around with her and said, yes any day is a good day when you got new underwear, she agreed energeticly and said "I know you have have bought underwear here before". Although I did buy boys briefs the day of graduation, this was my only other time in this store, and I'm sure she was not there the first time. But she insisted that I was in there every week buying underwear, the people behind me started to look at me funny. I laughed lightly and said something about not being in there that often, she said "no no its you, unless you have a twin sister, every week you come in and buy underwear" I walked away with a smile(kinda) its not like it would be bad to buy new underwear once a week, but I DON't . . . anyways . . .

off to get my hair died . . .

today was the last day at the pool, it was cloudy, the water was only 69 degrees, SN [for some reason I think of the weather in celcius and the pool temperature in ferienheit. i'm not the only one either, I have only seen a fwe gaurds in my life record the water temperature in celcious. ] I was not expecting anyone to go swimming, although a few dedicated women did brave the water, what impressed me more was that severl people came down to say goodbye, even thought they had not intention of getting into a bathing suit. I was given presants, pictures and cards. I suppose my enjoyment of these people was recipricated. My favorite moment was when this man that I always talk to a gay male artist was in the parking lot when I was throughing out the garbage, he ran towards me and gave me a hug. He told me that I had great energy and that I would be happy where ever I went.

no time for tears over saying bye to work, I have way to much to do!!