not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Saturday, April 19, 2003

Instance and persistence . . . what ever happened to agency
this evening would either take a novel to describe the full details required to justify it OR I could make a list of all the craziness we encountered . . . I choose option number 2!

~evil roommate and family invaded my space, had me running around getting matches and plates and other birthday jazz, yet refused to offer me a drink or cake
~evil roommate’s cousin didn't believe me that yogurt was a dairy product
~saw a man wearing a poster that said "No Sex Clubs, No Smoking" he was walking by himself with no irony
~saw a man on stilts juggling
~saw a man playing golf against a wall
~was cruised so hard, I almost ran home to take a shower
~went to a club where the bouncer described the music as "The house and The Hip Hop" (we should have known)
~saw more cleavage than I have seen since the hottest day in Sienna with all the ginas wearing bikinis trying to get tans
~a martini glass came out of the sky out of no where and crashed right in front of where Regan was sitting
~had 7 yes 7 different guys come hit on us
~pick up lines included:

• wow those guys are so horny, I'm not, what’s your name
• you girls are the sexiest girls out there, I just needed to let you know
• I like your belt buckle
• “lets dance” . ..followed by NO .. . “come on” . . ..followed by NO.. . . “please” . . ..followed by NO . . . “why not?” . . . .followed by cuz I don't want to . . .. “please” . . . .followed by NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . . .. then he asked the other two of us, this of course was after his friend had asked all three of us and we said NO!!!

~kim and I crushed over the same hot girl at the club, we were staring at her, but some guy assumed it was his hot body we were into, sadly we had to turn him down too
~besides all the nasty boys, we had a great time; we started the dancing at the club and closed the place down. Once again, we reinforced the idea that we alone go to clubs to go dancing,(actually there were a few other people there who seemed to be into the dancing and not attempting to impress some “hottie” they wanted to go home with) I know there are clubs out there for people like us, sadly they have a cover and are too far way. We really just want to dance and have a good time. The girls and boys just don’t' know what to make of us. We saw so much lesbian erotic happening, but all of it was used to turn on or attract a guy. When Regan and I or Kim and I dance the same way, they don't realize that we really are queer and that we don't want to get any guys attention . . . so when we don’t want to dance with them . . .they get slightly confused. Straight clubs are always an adventure, tomorrow should be filled with more like minded people . . . stories to follow . . .

Thursday, April 17, 2003

Ok, I just got an email from this guy who I talked with once at the pool. I NEVER gave him my email, and it kinda freaked me out . . .
The day he was swimming (running the water actually) the pool was dead, so I walked and talked with him for a while . . . harmless right? Apparently not, that day he got out and was stretching, when he asked me "what are you doing tomorrow at 5?" I was like "ummm I'm going to see Angela davis at 7 . . . ." He then proceed to ask if I wanted to go on a mock date with him, since his buddies and him are doing a documentary on Lava Life, but he was too cheep to put any money on his lave life account, so was unable to get a date with a girl and video tape it (with out her knowledge might I add) I was like "ummm I really don’t think so, I actually think that’s kinda creepy" Anyways, we realized that we both knew this girl on the cross country team . . .but I still don't know how he would have got this email address, cuz even if she gave it to him, she had my old address, Fuckn' scary . . . .anyways heres the email:
What's going on? Perhaps you don't remember me - you
walked up and down the pool while I did this ridiculous
running motion, almost standing still. This was
sometime last week. I said "see you around" when I
left and didn't want to be a liar. But you are not a
jewish guy with curly hair - that's who the lifeguard
was today. You were not him, I think. Anyways, hope
exams are good. I got that internship, by the way (I'm
very excited). drop me a line if this is indeed you
(and if you like)- and perhaps we can do something fun.
Take it easy,
Dave :)
p.s. liz said she remembered you from italy. funny
how the world works.
AHHH!!! someone has to tell this boy how uncool it is to ask a girl on a date that will be taped and then send her emails when she NEVER AT ANYTIME showed any interest in him . . .but I can't be that person, because I want NO communication with him .. . Strange this is one experience in a long line of closeted experiences I have had at the pool. No one there knows I'm queer, no one . . .except for this one gay guy that said to me one day, I have a question for you "I heard that lesbians are not promiscuous, is that true" Fuck people at the pool are fucked up . . . .that’s it that’s all, back to writing about segregation and the effects on health

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

today I was in the libraries cafeteria, mad that I was using a food supplier that ran privatized prisons. Wishing the veggie cafe was open during exams, and smiling about a conversation I had to day with my soc prof about the riotgrrl scene. I noticed this women a few people in front of me, see looked distressed, she had a half eaten pastery in her hand. I was too far away from the cash to hear the conversation. I thought inicially that the women didt' have enough money to pay for her food, but she seems more physically upset than that, a girl from starbucks came over and walked this women to a seat. Then another women ran up, grabbed a orange juice and said that women was going into insillin shock, the women at the cash said I know but I have to watch the money. There was nothing I could do. . . I didn't bud into the situation, the last thing this women needed was a crowd of poeple and the two women helping her seemed to know how to deal with the situation.
I just found it sad that one this women at the cash was more concerned about the money adb her minimuim paying job, then the health of another human. It is sad that our society is so constentrated on money that often the important things in life are forgotten. I think why does this women work here in the first place, she probably has to support herself and possibly her family. She doesn't speak english that well, so I suppose that she is an immigrant women, with out many opportunities. And if she did leave her post she coudl lose her job. She survival came before this other womens survival. I don't blame her at all, I just hate our capitalist soicety where the people are forgotten over gains of money. I hate that the women with diabetes had to stand there and beg to eat her sugar. The sugar that will keep her alive and healthy. There should never be denial to the basics that keep us alive . . .

Monday, April 14, 2003

I have an alter ego . . . .this will be especially funny to B and mud:
last night after deciding that procrastination was valid, I phoned back the cute boy with blue eyes to see if I could uncancel our hangout time. We decided that a chill out movie night would be great. I was a bit nervous about the whole thing, I mean it was a second date (kinda) and there seems to be more pressure on the second date. I'm usually super confident of first date 'cause nothing really matters. Anyways, B and Mud fed off my slight anxiety and became the devil reincarnated into two beings. (I'm not exagerating, Catsy will back me up on this one) So by the time I left their house, I was a bit frazzled. I decided to write a bit, to get the anxiety out. I opened my journal, where i must have been doing a similar thing. There was writing about axiety and then this crazy stick figure drawing, under the drawing read in criptic letters "FIRE ZOMBIE OF EVIL" I realized that this zombie could only bring good things (previous conversation with B) and therefore the zombie was not bring my axiety but rather fighting it and bring confidence. Needless to say the date went well and I have the FIRE ZOMBIE OF EVIL on my side!!!