not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Saturday, October 25, 2003

I sent the night doing reading and writing, drinking green tea and playing dress up. After an intence session of that I checked an old email address and took a quiz that was in my inbox. . . I thought I would share this one since I just got a lip piercing, just know that I DO NOT judge my friends on how fierce their peircings and tatoos are considering many if not most of my close friends dont' have many if any. But my friends that do (your hot) hehehe so here it is :
lip piercing

You Are A Lip Piercing

In your face punk, and borderline angsty.

You wouldn't be caught dead at a corporate job.

But you can be found at Tower Records.

You rate your friends by how hardcore their piercings and tattoos are.

What Piercing Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

but I'm not sure how serious I can take this since before this quiz I took the how many sexual partners will you have. The first question was how many sexual partners did you have in the past 5 years, I picked the 10 + catigory yet the final results said in my lifetime I will have 7 . . . so once agian no one really listens even computer quizes!!

Thursday, October 23, 2003

the bad mood is over . . .

yesterday was just not the best day of all days, I'm glad that my mood has shifted, parially it had to do with finding out that osap this year is giving me the same amount of money as they did last year, but instead of getting the $3000 bursay, they gave it all in loans. Plus they didn't tell me this till yesterday and I think it may be to late to have things, changed, everything is suppose to be finalized within 30 of classes commencing. Anyways I was upset about that, and the bug thing and the let down of not doing the speech. BUT don't you worry my energy is back and I was on top of things today (minus feeling quite naustious to the smell and sight of full chickens being cooked in my apartment).

I started off my day by finding a book that I had left in the landramat. Its interesting cuz I left it there a two days ago, and realized after it was closed so I went back the next morning and it was no where to be found. I went to the residnece office and they hadn't seen it. I was a bit distraught since it wan't even my book (this also could have added to my negative stance yesterday). I had borrowed it from this cute 1st year. Its called GENDERqUEER, I was sure that no one would touch it. The strange part was I was going to put up a poster saying that I had left it there. I did this once before, I had left a copy of Fall On Your Knees in the lobby of this apartment that my mom and I were staying in. Not to mention it was her copy. When I realized my error I printed off a few posters with the cover on it saying "Have you seen this book: if so please return to apartment 909" and a fwe weeks later this guy returned it saying he taught it was just the buildings library book. I assume he decided to finish reading it before returning it which I can totally understand and support. Anyways I was thinking of doing the same thing, but decided to have one more look. Low and behold, it was sitting right there. I wonder if someone actually took it home with them adn brought it back or if it had just been found at the back of the machines- cuz I did leave it on top of the machines. Regardless I got the book back today and the girl is none the wiser!

Then I headed off to a meeting of SSAS (students and staff against sexism) it to run a campaign against the sexist posters on campus. It great, intially I tought I was one of a few people who cared enought to speak up, but there seem sto be so many people upset out about it. The womens officer and the SWP (socialist workers party) came together today for a paln of action. Next week we are going to have a booth set up in the arts block for the full week, we are creating a sign with a collection of all the posters with a saying like "does this offend you". We are sending a copy of one of the posters to the bank that sponcered the event asking them to stop funding sexist ads. I got three of my prof on board, one of them is taking the matter to the equality board. Plus we are trying to use the employment sexual harassment legislation. If the the staff on campus compalins that they find the posters offensive then they have to be taken down. Teh thing is if we tear them down we can get in trouble with security and no one wnats to risk it especially those of us on council. But what is security going to do if a head a department tears them down. You can't fire them.

There was so much buzz about it, everyone I went to talk about it had already heard or knew something new. So many people want to help out. I went to an event with the LGB society and got all of them on board aswell. The LGB had a few guest speakers at the event. One of the women was from the queer paper I found out how to get info put into the listings section for the gender queer group. Plus she said that in a few issues they are thinking of doing an issue on drag and trans related material, she said that we may be able to get an article highlighting the group in that.

I started to get more excited today about the postion on the union. Knowing that I am one of 11 people on the executive is really exciting, I really like everyone so far. The womens officer, and the welfare officer are great girls, plus the deputy president and president and I have already become friends. I have my first exectutive meeting on monday-I will get more insight on how everything works there.

In the midst of all this energy today I managed to make it to class and get some readings done. Somedays I feel like I ahve super powers . . . I just hope the energy doesnt' dispate I have too much to do . . .

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

The new LGB officer at your service,

today was the day, and I was ready . . . I typed up my proposals for the year, and how I planned on accomplishing them. On my handout I had a pic of a rainbow flag actually on a flag pole. I had a speech writen and important points writen out for easy reference. I walked in the room early to get a feel of the space I would have to talk in. I felt butterflies build up as the lecture room filled up and there were almost 80 poeple there, but I knew I could do it. Because the Alchemist said that the fear of suffering is worse then the suffering itself, which can easily be whiched to the fear of failure. So after all this build up and preperation I was nominated, second by many and went on contested. Everyone clapped but I sat there with a feeling of unfufillment. This was going to be my moment I wanted it . . .but how can one really complain when they get what they want in the end. The position is mine, I'm on the executive council, I have office hours, I have power to make a difference . . . I just didn't win it.

The other thing that took away from my excitiment of the night was a text from bug asking for a raincheck . . . we had plans to hang out tonight, ze was going to come over to UCD for the first time and I was going to shave ze's head. I got this text while it the student union meeting at 7:20 . . . ze was going to text me between 7:30 and 8 when ze got to the campus and I was going to leave the meeting . . . so not only did ze ditch me it was only mins before we were going to hook up. the thing is when I dig someone I put so much into it, I get so excited about being with them, I always accomidate them in what ever way I can going to lenghts to make sure we get to chill. Because of the excitement I feel when I get messages like this I feel crushed. This can not be seen in issolation bug has serious disappearing tendancies. Because of this I backed away adn refused to put energy into seeing ze. But when ze showed up to the meeting the other day and wanted to chill today I put my heart back, thinking maybe ze really was busy and really wasn't feeling ok before. But I must have miss read the signs and ze is at the same place as before non commital to even the most casual of encounters. I didn't have credit on my phone so I didnt' text ze back, and I really don't want to . . .

Maybe I am destant to be single and have a series of one night stands and short term sexual relationships with wonderful friendship to fill up my intimacy quotiant. This may seem very mello dramatic and I'm sure it is, at the same time if the past 3 -4 years has any bearing on my future relationships that just might me the result. Those who know me know that I have falln' in love amny a times in the past few years and there have been relationships that have been must more sustainable then just one night stands and short term sexual relationships but they had so many problems and there inconsistancy have not given me much hope on the ability to find and maintain meaningful relationships that are both sex based and friendship based. Seeing Regan do it gave me a ray of hope but I'm afraid that there has not been a trickle down effect in the love department . . .

I should feel much happier about the possiblities that lie ahead for my position on the council. And I'm sure I will tomorrow . . . but right now I just wish that there was someone to currle up next to . . .
Tomorrow I am running for the LGB postion on the student union (SAC) I have to hand my goals for the year, and I have to give a speech to the union. I think there is only one other student going for it, adn he might not even follow through, but regardless I have to stand up for five mins and say who I am what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. I went to the general meeting today with the union adn I tend to be around so I think my visibilty is out there and recognition won't be a problem, the other guy writes for the paper though so if someone doesn't know me they might just vote for him due to familiarity. Anyways thats not really the point, I have to do a speech!! I have never done a talk were I had to sway people to my side and get them to like and trust me. I have taught where there is this hieracrchy so you get some level of adimatic respect ( not that I'm encouraging hierchies but it does take the stress away) and I have done class presentations where its more about facts and arguements then getting the audience to like you. People always say bring humour into it, but really I get to scared to add any humour(unless I'm in costume of course-maybe I should go in drag!!) last year at active youth steph volunteered me to go up and introduce ESSU, I was such a mess, it was in convication hall and the lights were blinding . . . so this thing tomorrow has to be better then that.

On a more postive note, last night was the first meeting of the gender queers, it was good, we had seven people come out and three others that I know of wanted to come but couldn't make it. I'm impressed, not all of them have become members on the yahoo groups yet, but two random people have join the group online . . . it looks like this goup will be used for two different things, a safe space to talk about gender issues and ideas and a political space to fight transphobia. Everyone had there own idea what they wanted from the group, I think that I did a good job of accomidating all the interests. We are going on a campaign to get the word out. you can check out the group site at, I'm not sure if you can read the postings without becoming a member . . .
well I was talking about the group today in class with my friend Edward, he told me that he was a female inpersinator for years and he was at Trintiy College when the whole debate about including the T in the LGB society came up and he was a huge advicate for it. He wants to join the group aswell. PLUS he had his first meeting of a vegan society that he created this weekend, so I will going his group and he will join mine we will be the gender queer vegans!!

oh so much is going on I can hardly contain my excitement sometimes!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

The finalle

I got this email from my mom last night:

GUESS WHAT. I got a call from Shoppers DrugMart today and they found your passport. The pharmacist said it was on her desk when she got to work this morning, she didn't know who had left to there and no one else seemed to know anything about it. I said that we had been in much earlier and left an urgent message about it but she didn't know anything about that either. Anyway I complained about the worry and cost and and and she said she didn't know anything about that either.

Apparently she doesn't know much about anything...I will keep it for you as a souvenir when you want to tell the story.

It may be very shallow but serious one of my first thoughts when I read that email was those bastards, I really liked the photo in that passport and since I had to run around like a mad freak getting my passport done, the pic is horrible, if they had only noticed they had it earlier, I could be traveling through europe with a cute pic and not a pic that makes me look like a tired old bag. But seriously if you have a passport left at your work, doesn't that ring some bells in your mind that someone might need it. I mean I left it there two months ago!! oh well at lest I have the souvenir of that adventure!

Monday, October 20, 2003

a roommate of mine is going to her graduation this week, she told me at the cerimony only the girls wear the caps. She says the tradition came from women not being able to go on in their education, so the cap signified capping of womens education. It seems so absurb that they would still keep that tradition, and every year women refuse to wear it, and that seems to be fine, but the trandition carries on . . .

I'm off to the first meeting to the gender queers, there will only be five of us at this first meeting, but I have faith when the biwot group started and when the poly group started they only had about five members and now each month you would get about thirty people coming out. Plus I met this women this weekend who is in an Africian Irish Feminist group and they only have 7 members but they have done so much positive work for Africian women living in Ireland. . . .

I'm off :)

Sunday, October 19, 2003

prolife hunters and hippies

After the social forum yesterday was a fundraiser at one of the student bars, and like usual everyone was buying everyone drinks, I bought one at the beginning of the night but ended up drinking 5 or 6, what a culture! One of the drinks that was bought for me was from this girl who smiled sweetly and said that we wanted to pick my brain on something. I obliged without realizing what I was getting myself into . . . she had gone to the abortion workshop but she is pro life and wanted to see what we were planning, the sneaky little thing, so we calmly talked about our views, it was clear from the beginning that this conversation was not going to change any of our views, but she had bought me a drink so I couldn't just leave. Anyways at the end I made a comment about her eating bacon chips (damn me and my vegan big mouth) that started a whole other debate; the best part is she is a hunter!! seriously she has a gun and her and her family go out and hunt adn kill animals. Yet she is the most pro-life person I met . . .we both walked away thinking that each other were hypocrites for our views. I have to be more careful who I except drinks from!!!

At two they kicked all of us out of the bar and all the activist kids poured on to the campus walk ways, this one guy had a guitar and got into Jammin’ all of started to dance and sing to bob Marley, bob Dillon, and many other revolutionary anti-war songs. It was great I felt like I was back home. I even dnaced next to the pro-life hunter - oh how the hippy world can bring us all together :)