not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Friday, June 27, 2003

the poly group I go to is in the midst of planning for pride, we are trying to have an info booth and march in the parade . .. but planning for all of this didn't start untill a few days ago, I was suscribed to the polyplanning yahoo mailing group and in the past two days they have taken over my mailbox . . . One of the things that we are trying to do is come up with a sloggen to put on a banner. These are the suggestions thus far:

Ethical Sluts have more fun

Coupledom is SO last year

Choose happiness, Choose Poly

Multiples R Us

The Cook, His Wife, Her Lover and Her Lover's Lover

Lovin' More = More Lovin'

Have your cake and eat it, too

It's Alright, My Lover Knows

This first two and the last two are my favorites . . . I don't know if I will have a chance to help out, cuz I'm busy packing today and moving tomorrow. It kinda sucks having to move over pride weekend, I will have to miss many of the festive activities such as the dyke march ... luckily it has cooled down quite a bit, if the weather was like how it has been the past few days I think we would have died . . .my bro who is moving in to my apartment lives around dundas and sherbourne on the fourth floor of a house. He has to move all of his stuff down four flights of stairs and then drive way out of his way to avoid the march. It is going to be bad enough I'm just so happy that it is no longer 40 degrees out there.

I told a friend the other day that I was poly and he said why don't you just say open relationship, that is a excellent question, sadly we were interupted my a friend singing "let's talk about sex" on stage so I didn't get to tell him why so I will do it here. The idea of being poly is that it is an identity (ah oh identiy politics) it is a way of seeing yourself and a way fo viewing relationships. That is you can be celibate and still identify as poly. I find a big difference between open relationships and poly relationships is the level of honesty. This is not a cut a dry situation but the point of poly is that you have the support of your partner or partners in exploring other relatioships and you discusse what each others comfort levels are in that exploration. Plus in a poly relationship you can be deeply intamate with more than one person, its not all about sex.
Often open relatiohsips mean that you can sleep with other people and thats ok, often it is not talked about as much, and usually it does not involve being in love with more than one person.

Here is a rough copy of the flyer we are putting together:

What is Polyamory?
Polyamory, also called ethical non-monogamy, is the belief that humans are naturally able and happy to love multiple people.
Is it like having an affair or cheating?
No. The fundamental position of polyamory is honesty and openness. While the amount of detailed information about a partner's other relations is highly variable in the polyamory community, if it isn't done with a partner's knowledge, it isn't polyamory.
Is it all about sex?
No, it's certainly not all about sex. Sex is a part of many polyamorous relationships, but most polyamorous people would not be interested in sex-only relationships. Polyamory literally is about "love" for multiple people, not sex, which is polysexuality.
How do you deal with jealousy?
Some polyamorists don't get jealous at all, they are happy to see their partners happiness with other partners. There's even a word to describe this: compersion. Others do struggle with jealousy, but feel that the benefits of polyamory vastly exceed and justify the challenges.
Is it like polygamy or swinging?
The most general interpretation of polyamory includes these categories, but most polyamorous people are uncomfortable with the associations because polyamory is more focused on love and equality.
Is it group sex?
Some polyamorists engage in group sex, but most people are more conventional in their sexual activities - the difference being that it is done with the knowledge and support of their partners.
Is polyamory part of the GLBT community?
Polyamory exists across the whole spectrum of sexual orientation. There are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and gender-queer polyamorists. Many polyamorists feel "queer", even if their relationships are "straight", because of the criticism that we face due to our unconventional views related to sex and relationships. However, polyamory isn't necessarily embraced by the GLBT community any more than the straight community because it goes against the couple-oriented social convention to which some lesbian and gays aspire.
Where do I get more information?
Ethical Lovers Group
The Ethical Lovers Group is a support and discussion group that meets at the University of Toronto Women's Centre the second Wednesday of every month from 19:30-22:00. The Women's Centre is located at 563 Spadina Road just north of the College Street intersection.
Toronto Poly Social
The Toronto Poly Social group is a social and discussion group that meets at the Village Rainbow restaurant the third Sunday of every month except December from 20:00-22:00. The Village Rainbow is located at 447 Church Street, just south of the Wellesley Street intersection. For more information see
Hamilton Poly Social
The Golden Horseshoe Social group is a social and discussion group that is just starting up. Notice is published on the TorontoPoly mailing list (see above).
Guelph Poly Social
There is also a group in Guelph.
Ottawa Poly Social
There is an Ottawa Poly group. More information at
New York
There are several poly groups in New York state.
Media Resources
There have been recent articles in FAB, Xtra, and Now discussing the extension of marriage to the polyamory community.
Web Resources
Polyamorists often find community on the Internet even where there is no community available in physical space. There are many resources available on the web. Here are some initial pointers: (includes lists of groups)

Thursday, June 26, 2003

You have many great qualities and are exactly what we are looking for BUT . . .

grrr . . . I had this job lined up for the next three weeks, I was going to go to camp with this boy who has autism . . . we got allong great . . . it was going to be full tiem for three weeks, and I all I had to do was amke sure that this kid was safe and havning a good time. But last night his mother called to say that his councillor from last year is in town and the boy has a strong connection with her. The mother wants to maintain that connection. She wanted to let me know that I have many great qualities and are exactly what they are looking for and she will recomend me to other parents that she knows BUT she feels it would be best to stick with the worker that her son already knows. GRRR how can you argue with that. Becuase I was so sure that this job was lined up I havn't been looking for a job lately. So its time to start over . . .

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

today on my way to tangos I was biking down ossington pretty fast, in the corner of my eye I say someone turn there head away really fast . . .I looked over, low and behold it was the evil roommate. This just added to his level of patheticness, by the time I saw him it was too late I had past him at full speed. This happened once before but I had the chance to say hi, he looked so uncomfortable. It imazine the legths he goes to avoid any contact with us (or just me now).

at tangos I ran into an old friend of mine from highschool. He actually was with the same group of people I was with, I swear torontos queer world is way too small. I hadn't seen this boy in over a year, but we knew all about each others lives, the grape vine really works wonders. I knew about his year in buffullo at teachers college, he knew about the name change, and apparently has been telling other people about it. Crazy. We did the whole catch-up thing, everyone seems to be doing such imagizing things, I'm really impressed by my group of highschool friends. I know that this boy and I will never be at the same level of friendship that we once were, we have taken different paths and even though they still cross on occation the moments are brief. I started to thing about highschool and reunions. A few months ago I watched Romi and Michelles High School Reunion, which sparked a discussion on weither or not you would go to your highschool reunion and why. Many of my friends were not in the popular groups in highschool (hence why I get allong with them so well) they have blossomed and become really cool strong peoplr dispite years of torturous highschool memories. Some of the disussion about why people would go is to show how well they did dispite the lack of support the other students gave them. There was this air of "revenge of the nerds", this idea that people would finally beable to tell off that bully or the homophobic jock or who ever had made there life particuarly hellish. But I was thinking those reasons and others like them are a continuous process of proving your self to these people. If you still feel that you need to prove yourself to the highschool bully then you are giving them back that control.

I think the real point of going to the reunion, the health reason for going is not to prove yourself to someone, but to fill your curiousity and see what others are up to. Just hearing what my friends are up makes me curious. I think the point is to be compleatley comfortable with yourself, so you can be postive about the people around you. I think that if I get to the point that I'm more comfortable with me, I might want to go to the reunion, not to prove that I made it, just cuz I might start caring about this people that I once knew (I wonder if the "cool" kids have actually become cool or if they are the same assholes with a business degree and capitalist power) I feel sometimes I still care what the "cool" person thinks of me, how the "popular" kid pertrieves me. And I think I'm still a bit jelous of the rich pretty kids. So until I get over those issues, going to the reunion will just stir up bad memories. The last thing you need is the reunion to be a repeat of everything you hated about highschool.

I still have a few years before I have to really start thinking about it . . .

Monday, June 23, 2003

today cbyb and I stopped by the pope squat, we talked to the security guard who said they had security there 24 hours a day and he was getting paid more than 10hr. So basically up to this point there has been a min of $57, 600 spent to prevent homeless people from having homes. cbyb said that at first they had two gaurds and they are making more than $10 so we know that the cost is much higher than that. That same money can be used to ensure safe affordable housing for many people. It's insane the measures that are taken to prevent the poor from having homes.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

I do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry

i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to