not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

revolutionary and polyamory

There has been a connection with politics and free love for generations. Wether it was Emma Goldmans articles and speeches on marriage, the 60's or crimethinc theories of capitalism and monogamy. I have seen my polyamory rooted in political feminist theory to an extent yet not to the idea that I think non-monogamy is the only way to have a relationship. I have talked to people in the punk-anarchist community who feel a strong pressure to have non-monogamous relationships. Back in toronto I use to go to an ethical lovers group and would deffinatly defend poly ideas. When I first got here I had met a group of people that were into poly relationships they were thinking of starting up a poly support group. Yet the more politically involved I have become I have found less and less time to make these type of relationships work.

The energy that I have put into making poly relationships work have been put into politics. Not to say I was not active politically when I was having poly relationships. For the past two and half years or so I have been in a relationship that was theoritcally poly. It was more an open relationship then an idea of having more then one on going relationship. I had avoided the drama and choas that can sometimes accompany these relationships.

But I was tyring it once again, turing a more random occurance into a relationship. This all exploded in my face. It made me realise to make it work you really have to make it political, you have to put all your energy into it. If you try to just casually have two relationships in this society it will not work. So unless I am willing to put the poly thing to the front of my life (and have a partner that is willing to do the same) I will being living a monogmous life. The thing is I doubt thats what either of us want but its a thin line between a random night to a more continous relationship. It is that line that creates drama with out all the processing it takes. The people I met in ethical lovers use to say that poly people were processing people. I realise now that it is not that poly people are processing people, but that if you are not a full time processing person that you will not be able to make it work. Even thought I would say the process is important sometimes it can be too much. This I will say to both relationships and politics.