not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Friday, November 07, 2003

me mate sarah is the other head going, shes real sound and a mad laugh like. just gave coimhe a backer on me bike to me gaff, fuckin wrecked me, had three pints went totally to me head

serious this is how some people talk, I love it . . . this is a text message I got yesterday translation mate = friend, me=my, head=person, sound=cool, mad=extreamly, laugh=funny, a backer= doubled, gaff=apartment, like is used at the end of each sentence to give it empahsis

I did nothing today really ok not really but it seemed like nothing at all, I had all these plans and asperatations for the day, I knew what I needed to do and I was going to do it BUT last night I went out to see this band and ended up at a friends house. The type of friends who give you hickeys (grrrr) all our plans to get up and going early where swallowed up by the warmth of the bed. At one point red said that music was the key, it was put on but still the bed was way to inviting and the real world was non existant. Both of us were filled with guilt as we arrived to the campus, just seeing the buildings reminded both of us of the things that we ditched that morning. Red was suppose to flyer for the protest that was happening at 1 (it was 1 by the time we got there) I was suppose to be in office hours at 12:30. Plus I had plans to do laundry and other nessissities before the hours so I could be productive in the evening.

I made it to the ssas meeting and felt way to tierd and consious of my new bruses to really participate mauch.
then off to class where I again had a hard time staying awake, and had friends commenting on my obvious good night the night before. (damn hickeys they are such a pain in the ass)
then I had tea with a girl from class and edward, conversation was not working I again was too tired plus last time I say edward was at midnight the night before when I was with red, so he knew where the hickeys were from and I was feeling super consisious.
Before I could take on any chore like posters or laundry I need to sit and do nothing tic toc tic toc . .. ok energy is back, but I just missed the first have of this talk I was interested in going to darn it all to hell, laundry it is then . .. interlude with a few gay guys and the womens officer . . . dryer . . . read the queer newspaper . . . fold clothes . . . . sex in the city and will and grace (mind becoming numb again, even green tea could not save me from the pain that was watching sex in the city. That show is so annoying!

I wonder how long it will take to make real friends here, I mean I know tons of people and I am always going out and doing things. But at the end of the day, I sit here thinking that there is no one in this city that I could say that the two of us our close. I can say that I'm friends with many people but they all seem to have there friends, I hang out with them but wehn they want bonding time with a friend I sit here and wish that kim or regan or sal or sarah were here and that I could sit with them and talk shite about whatever or nothing at all. Most conversations here have to do with campaigns, theories etc. Not enough talk about nothing at all. Teh kind that you have with your friends.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

yes it true I have joined the student union cult (read as student council) just as stephs life can tend to revolve around the cult of drag boat my life is looking that it will go in the same direction. After spending a weekend with class rep training adn having there idologoy of activism infiltrated in my mind I become one of the sheep who is willing to give up all free time for student activism. Although I have become one of them at least I'm one to the few who realize how brainwashed that I am letting myself become. I mean all the first years who have joined this lefty union don't realize that its not always liek this, they just assume it is the norm to organize sit-ins for example. They dont' realize that this year is an anomily in the student union- a backlash to how right it had become. It is wonderful and exciting to see the little sheep orgnaizing on every issue you can imagine because they think it is what happens . . . .:)

So the main campaign that I have been part of is SSAS; staff and students againsts sexism. If you remember I was ranting about the sexist posters on campus, well we have done really well, there arn't anymore for the time being, it has been taken to the equality board and the society officer who refused to recognize them as offenisive is being called to the equity board. We have organized a petition, a letter writing campaign, and are doing a talk on the effects of sexist posters and ads that objectify women. We have the director of the womens institute speaking, the director of equality studies, a prof in visual arts and representation of women, and the director of women studies from Trinity. We are sending out invites to all the societies that put up the sexist posters and even thought they have taken them down still don't recognize them as sexist.

Here are just a few examples: the debating team: an image of just a womens chest saying "get it off your chest"
the poker team a pic with a women wearing very little saying "become a player"
the waterpolo team with a pic of a women in a bikini saying "let me play with your balls"
a random societies: a guy between tow women in bikinis "everything you want from a society"
madonna and britney kissing again "everything you want from a society"
the bunny ball: with a pic of a playboy bunny girl
the cherry ball: with a pic of a cherry saying "once you pop you can't stop"
another ball: a pic with a women in her bra and underwear with a open jacket sitting legs apart "sue me screw me" written on it plus you had to come dressed as a suit if you were a guy or a secretary

it blows my mind that people do not see this as sexism!!

so that is what we are up againsts on this campus . . . I can only image what these events are like, the posters set up an energy of sexism, aparently the cherry ball had other flyers that said if you don't pop it here you won't all year. Whar kind of sexual expectations are they setting up for there parties, its as if they are asking for date rape . .

so that is one of the things that is taking up my time, as the LGB officer I have to go once a week to the executive meeting, and once every two weeks to the general council meeting. Right now twice a week to the SSAS meetings, twice a week to the LGB society meetings (its my job to keep good relations- which I take to mean show up to there events support them, get them to support me BUT don't sleep with any of them!!) And starting in a few weeks the safe space campaign meetings and pride week planning meetings. There are other campaigns I'm involved in to but I am more of a follower in those events and not part of planning or leading in any real way other then making annouchments to my class.

The gender queer group is still going on, we have a meeting this upcoming monday, I created a poster for it yesterday, and will have to start postering soon, too many tech difficulties ahhh some times I dispise technology, it can really drive a person mad really!! you should have seen me last night after I finished the poster I tried to send it to the group to approve and then to the girl who can print them. But the network was down, then when it was up yahoo wasn't working, then when I got it, attachments wouldn't work, when they did only one worked. It took so many hours, I thought I would go crazy . . . I swore to take up the Harry potter route of owls, damn if I had an owl that poster would already be up today instead of just heading to the printers.

I have been thinking about quiting my job or at least cutting back my hours. I still have the money that I saved from the summer which could get me through 3 or 4 months if I am very carefull. And I am getting a small bursary for having a learning disabilty witch could get me through another 3 or 4 months. That is if I do almost nothing and am carefull to make my meals. That would free me for the year but then when my rez runs out I would have no money adn no place to go - that would be a problem . . .
wow its been a long time since I posted - it seems really strange, like a friend you havn't seen in a while and they ask you what new - what do you tell them, if you say only what is new on a vague sence then you are leaving out parts that might be essential in the catching up process, but then again time is a huge factor and if time is limited then you can only say "Not much" I will try for a happy medium or perhaps not at all.

I have been thinking lately about the debate about revolututionaries and reformist. This seems to be the divide in the new social movement, yet I feel that it is a false devide. People who seem to think that we can do both make change from every angel are thought to be confused. The President of the student council once said that he wanted to have direct action for grannies allowing everyone to participate. Those that argue against him think that we need to concentrate our resources have a singular plan of action and depending on there side either only have direct action and on the street protest, or change things from the inside. this debate leads me to think about this other debate I have heard.

the idea that if you are to make change you have to do it from the inside first. There is this song from Heaven to Betsy where Corin say "White girl want to change the world, your not going to change anything untill you change you racist self" . . . Here I agree that we have to work on our selves and fight our own learnt racism, sexism, homophobia etc And I feel that many of these revolutionaries have not spent enought time looking at themselves and they don't take the time to learn like as ani says in make them apologize"
they all want to lead the fight
and they know what they know all right
but there's so much
they don't understand
what about the other sex
what about the other hand
they only know what they've been told
and they're well cast
but they don't break the mold
and good sources are not enough
so she calls their bluff
yeah, she calls their bluff

'cause the revolution business
is still run by men
like every business
and everything
but we can sing like a sonofabitch
make them twitch around their eyes
until they realize
they just don't realize

so we do need to work on ourselves in order to make change, cuz if a sexist racist group takes over capitalism may end and so many things that go allong with it may end, but fundamental problems will still be there because it will be things that they never even thought about. But my real point is that if we spend all of our time unlearnign adn challanging ourselves before we go out there and do things to make changes then nothing is going to be done, I feel we need to do both at the same time. Just as I think we need to do all kinds of work to make a difference.
I met this anercist boy over the weekend; he wouldn't get involved in any chartity work or development work because he thinks it the wrong way to go about change, he thinks we need to preasure our own goverment adn make fundamental changes in the structures so that poverty and suffering in the south does not happen, getting away from dependancy and such. I agree again to a point, that yes the best solution would be to end capitalism and the structures that are keeping the south dependent on the north etc. Yet at the same time, I can't just sit back and wait for this to happen I feel compassion and feel a need to reach out and do something on a community level. I think that we have the body power to do both of these things.

that was probably the last thing one would think I would say when asked whats new . .. but there it is regardless . . .

more to come thought on : going the student union cult, ideas of sane and how people relate to the relative term of insane, dressing in drag and getting with a boy