not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Thursday, May 01, 2003

The bare foot goddess rounds the corner
A beautiful blue gown flowing hair
Uncaring of the stares
The cat is on her mind
Fully expressing every thought, dream and quirk
She flows from my life as quickly as she came in

The noise is leaving, my thoughts are cleared
Constant pain has become my keeper
I sit here smiling at life it self
The wide spectrum of possibilities
Rainbow of feelings

Celebrating a new level of fatigue
Brought by friendship
The tired mind of an all night chat
Compounded by an unexpected note

I still have the same experience every time they arrive
Sudden joy, surge of energy, lasting smile
This love is no longer mine
Yet it grabs me just the same

Since the first day I’ve been lost
Or found in a new level of adoring
The gravel beneath my walk speaks
To the never ended foolish love

A fantasy that shall not die
Documented in piles of poetry
Porn letters songs and thoughts
My heart, mind and soul moves on
Experiences better yet knows it will never feel the same

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

I'm home!! ok thats it back to bed now .. .
I can feel it coming!! Its so close I can smell it. My energy is on its way . . . I have been awake for hours and after my bath I felt it. You know the moment when you can smile strech and say I feel pretty good!! Of course it only lasted a few mins, but I'm still awake! By tomorrow I might even have the energy to call some of you back. (sorry for all the drugged out sleepy calls in the past week) I had this crazy dream last night and it has been haunting me all day. I don't remember all the details, but I was at a school, the building was huge, it looked like the royal york hotel only wider and taller. The middle was two windows wide and six stories higher then the rest of the building. This girl I know was really angry, I think a teacher had tried to rape her, she put a bomb in the top room. The top tower section was vacated because this girl had warned them. Everyone was outside looking at the building, when the bomb went off the whole middle section right down to the ground crumbled . . . we ranscreaming as the rest of the building crumbled to the ground. It was so crazy, half the school was mourning the loss of everyone inthe building, while everyone else was trying to get there final marks. The marks had been posted in the building that blew up. Both groups of students were so upset they wanted to kill the girl that I knew, so the two of us went on a crazy car adventure trying to get away from the angry students. It was insane, I will have to analysis it latter . . .back to sleep for me :)

Monday, April 28, 2003

anaphylactic shock anyone!!
As a lifeguard we are continuously doing training for all shorts of first aid situations. One of which is anaphylactic shock, this is a severe allergic reaction. The common once you hear about are due to bee bites (my girl) and peanuts (that’s why they ban peanut butter in schools). During training situations, no one really know how to look like an anaphylactic shock victim, they end up just listing the symptoms which include, a swollen neck, difficulty breathing and so on. WELL I know now how to act if that victim sit comes up again . . .because yes I had anaphylactic shock the other day. let me tell you the story, my week of being sick and treated like I have SARS was starting to come to an end, I went to sleep on Friday night thinking tomorrow I will feel so much better . . .instead I woke up crying from an ear infection, the pain was so bad my body was shaking, I went straight to a clinic, the doctor had one look in my ear and said "WOW your in a lot of pain" he prescribed Amixocillin and Tylenol 3. I took both immediately, on the subway home I couldn't stop moving, because the pain was so bad, I told Sal I felt like a had just left a rave, when the e was just dieing down, but you still have to move. My heart was beating fast like it was on triple speed. I was on my bed shaking and hyperventilating, both Sal and I thought it was still due to the pain, I started to use a paper bag to help me breath. But I face went numb, I remember asking Sal what was in codeine, if it was like coke because I was going numb, I then ran from my room to ask Matthew if he had ever experienced this reaction before, by the time I got to him, my throat had closed and I couldn’t speak, I dropped to the floor and attempted to read the side effects of the medication, but I eyes were blurry. As I sat there convulsing I could hear the boys calling an ambulance. The ambulance was quick and when they got there my severe reaction was over, I was still swollen, had a full body rash and hyperventilating but I could breath again. They checked my vitals and put me into the ambulance. I spent the next three hours with liquid benydryl in my veins, after the three hours my body rash was gone, and most of the swelling had gone down, so they released me. I have been awake a total of 6 hours in the past three days, partially because my body is healing, and also because I have to take 2 benydryls every four hours which causes me to be drowsy. I can feel that I'm getting better now, but my doctor says it will be another week before I have my energy back. I get to wear one of those medical alert bracelets now!! No doctor wants to test and see what I am allergic too, because each time you have a reaction it gets worse. So my bracelet will say penicillin, Tylenol and codeine. I just grateful that my roommates were on top of things and called 911. thanks boys :)