not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Thursday, July 17, 2003

today regan and I were walking allong Harbourd, when this cute girl and dog came by, we stopped and played with the dog for a few mins and talked to the girl. As we walked away I said that puppy was so cute, and regan said yeah and his owner wasn't bad either. Just has she uttered those words we startled by a noice and turned around to see a a few guys is a car with a mega phone calling out to us. These lame guys said to us "hey pretty girls, are you enjoying your walk" our immidiate reaction was the finger from regan and a fuck off from me. We were ready to pull out a "can of feminist whopass" (stepp's blog july 16, 2003) Ok truth be told the only reason I told this story, although it is true is so I could use stephs line!!! But seriously how lame and sexist can you be to think driving around yelling at girls with your mega phone is a cool thing to do. Has that worked for them in the past, do they get positive reactions from girls? Maybe they tried the whistling and the honking and that hadn't worked, so instead going the route of respecting women they thought if we take it one step further maybe we will finally get lucky. It reminds me off these guys I say at the beaches a few weeks ago. They had a video camera and were following girls around taping them and going up to the girls they thought were hot. They seemed to be able to pick the right girls though cuz none of them acted as if they minded. I was thinking that if they had come up to me I would have kicked that camera out of there hand and say sorry did I just break your instrament of objectification. Cuz they deserved a can of feminist whopass . . . ok so I again only told that story so I could use the line . . . . :)

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

its a small world but a tiny city

I'm in the process of downloading MSN messenger right now . . . I havn't done it up to this point because this is my moms computer and she doesn't like me downloading things on to it AND possibly more importantly is that it is soooooooooooooooooooo slow . . . . I started the process of installing msn messenger ten mins ago and it is at 11% completed. SO why am I wasting my precious time and risking getting my mom upset, well I feel out of the loop right now. I was reading sals blog how he stayed up all night working on his cover letter for a queer resource centre in san fran. He had many people help him. But he didn't have me help him at all. I can only assume that it was due to the fact that they had msn and I don't. I mean ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh its just strange to going from being someones roommate and always knowing whats going on in their life to reading their life on their blog and having no imput. Plus there are other great people who I use to chat with when I lived at 937 who I don't have a chance to talk to anymore. I really want to be able to stay in touch with everyone. 31% completed

Last night at work there was a fire alarm, I wasn't sure how serious it was but I got everyone out of the pool immediatly and pressed the emergancy button to see what was going on. The head person from the athletic desk ran on to deck and said everyone out. So we rushed off the deck through the changerooms and outside. This one women said to me that she didnt' want to go outside in her bathing suit, I told her to hurry up. A few mins later she still hadn't emerged from the change room. I went back in and she was standing under the shower washing her hair. I was telling her she had to get out. She stood there naked telling me that she was coming soon. AHHHH!!! There wasn't a real fire, they found out that it was a faulty alarm system. But what if it was a fire or a bomb or something, this women would have been trapped naked in the showers.

Everyone was standing outside waiting, there was this one guy who was staring at me. I mean really staring to the point of when I looked at him, instead of looking away he just continued staring. I was thinking dude my hair is not that interesting, look away!!!! Then suddenly he said to me, were you in PCused over the weekend? A sudden smile came across my face . . .yes I was! I remembered him now, he helped me with my computer questions. We ended up chatting away for 20mins not really even noticing that the alarm was still going off. He was really nice and friendly. So when I go back this weekend to get my laptop he will be there again and I'm sure he will beeven more helpful this time. Its such a small city. A similar situation happened a few days ago.

74% completed

A few weeks ago when I was still at 937, I was biking home adn due to traffic couldn't do my usual left hand turn on the side street and had to turn on bloor. I got off my bike and decided to cross at the lights and walk along the sidewalk the rest of the way. Anyways at the lights there was this guy who was staring at me, the thing was he had a green light but sat on his bike staring at me. I gave him a smile thinking Dude, whats up? He eventually said is your name blah blah blah, I said no sorry. He told me that I looked just like this girl he knew that he han't seen in 6 years. hense his long stare. So a few weeks went by I didn't think of it again, till this past saturday at the bar this guy walked in and sat down with our crew. this guy was staring at me again I smiled said hello, but showed no other signs of recognition. I eventually said to me "did I see you on the street the other day" I said "maybe? . .where?" thinking dude I see allot of people everyday, unless something special happened I'm not going to remember someone I passed biking on the street. Then he said "you look like some one I use to know" It suddenly all came together and I was like yeah you were that guy at bloor and ossignton who asked me my name cuz I looked like your friend. Its such a small city!!!

download complete

MSN messenger setup failed

I suppose I will never be in touch again (drama queen) hehehe

Sunday, July 13, 2003

I need to turn my mind off sometimes, regan suggested listening to headphones while I travel, I think that will have to be the solution since reading makes me nausious. Yesterday I had to work (no laptop for tobie) and I was meeting some friends at Zippers for a drink. I decided to take the Eglinton bus across to Younge and down to college. I noted it would be 20 mins till the bus came so I ran to the next stop, not because I thought I would miss the bus just cause. When I got to the next major lights I still have 13 mins so I ran again untill I got to Jane. At jane I had 6 mins left, I contemplated continueing to run, but now it was getting close and I really didn't want to miss the bus cuz I was running to the next stop. At Jane my mind started to wonder, I had an an interesting day at work. I met my enemy for the summer, this blond americian women who is proud to be racist. If I was working for the city or anywhere else I would have warned her and then kicked her out for the things she was saying. Since this is a condo pool and she is paying fees I don't have that same power. Plus I don't have the city policy or other workers to back me up. This in the downfall of the job, I'm on my own to deal with any thing that happens and I don't nessissarily have support for my actions. I will have to feal out this job and see where the politics lie. All the things I wanted to say ran through my head, and I decided that if I ever see her outside the building, I will tell her its a shame that she has children since it is people like her that are perpetuating racism in our society. At the end of her very long racist rant, which started off critizing overweight flight attendents moved on to segregation, affirmative action, and the oversexing of black males. The comments I did make made her stop and say "yeah but you just don't understand". anyways at the end of her rant she said "oh no your boyfriend isn't black is he" I had to bit my tongue from saying no my girlfriend is and said "I don't have a boyfriend" I hate that I closeted myself, I could have said I don't date boys or something but really this women was horrible and I had a feeling she might try to get rid of me if she knew I was queer. Plus my break was about to start and I wasn't going to waste it listening to her bigitry.

A few hours later the security gaurd came down to chat, he seemed friendly he was new to the country and seemed eager to make friends. He said a few things that we creepy but I'm going to assume it was a language barrier. For example as I was leaving he showed me the screen with all the security camera images and said this is where I watch you all day. Creepy if it came from someone one english is their first language but possibly a mistake (sal could tell me what he should have said and why he made the mistake) anyways after that he was pressuring me to call him and questioning where I was going . . . I just said I will see you on my next shift, he looked disappointed when he muttered that wouldn't be untill the weekend. Did I mention that this was the first time I ever met this guy. I'm going to think this overbearing conversation was only his way of try to be friends and he will back down . . .but I am keeping my eyes out for him.

I started to think as I was standing at Jane and Eglington the irony of how rich people call poor people lazy. As I was standing at the corner surrounded by nothing but huge roads and parks I say people walking from their apartment builidngs to the bus stop and waiting way to long for the bus to come or walking from the bus loaded up with bags of grocceries. I was thinking how could you say that anyone of these people was lazy when they have incredualbly long journeys just to get grocceries to feed there families. Rich people can have thier delivered to them, or not have to walk more then the moment to get to their SUV from their garage and the store parking lot. It take much more phycisal and emotion strength and energy to take an elevator to the ground floor of your building, walk from it through desilate fields to the bus wait 10-20 mins take a crowded bus to the closest groccer shop and do the same thing all the way home this time carrying heavy bags . . . then it would to drive casually in comfort in your airconditioned car. This is just one of many examples where the rich people have money to allow them to be lazy and the poor people don't have that priviledge yet are lable to be the lazy ones.

My eyes caught a glimps of a carlsberg ad, you know the ones that have a time line and say things like birth, highschool football, your carlsberg years then retirement . . . this one I only two of the words afro and then your carlsberg years. I looked around and noticed we were at Weston road. I wonder if all the guys on the streets related to that ad. I'm sure some rich white guy in a suit thought he was brillant to come up with a way to continue this theme of ads in an african canadian neighbourhood. He was probably thinking wow an untapped market, I'm sure we can get this guys to drink our beer if we direct our ads to there culture. I'm just waiting for the ad on church street that says: played with dolls, came out, carlsberg years, bitter drag queen . . .come on calrsberg you can't let a untapped market like that go untouched . . . these people want to spend there money on alcohol why not make it yours . . .