not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Thursday, June 12, 2003

If only I wasn't yellow faced and marlen brando looking!!

Damn tomorrow is the pussy palace . . .after tonight being at the poly group and then the drag show at Tangos I'm dieing to go, there will be so many cute boies there. The amount of hotness I saw tonight was unreal. .. and yes all of them will be there tomorrow night. But really, what boi will want to get with a yellow puffy faced grrl who’s mouth is out of order!

and I know I have been talking lately about relationships, and even being celibate until I'm with someone who I know will be good in a relationship. but really drag kings and tranny boies everywhere, what’s a grrl to do . . .:)

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

lost and no longer belonging

Today I biked over to UofT to the library, I was going borrow the recommended preperation reading for the equality program. First I had to pay a few fines, while at the desk I asked the women if my account was clear immediately and if I would be able to take out books that day. She looked at the computer then at me and asked if I registrared at UofT. I answered yes, then she asked me when I was convicating, I told her a week tomorrow. She informed me that last night they updated their files, and I have taken out of their system. She handed me a flyer that infomed me the cost of becoming an alumni library user. I walked out of there studdend, unsure what to do. Feeling that I no longer belong at the institution that I have been part of for years. I stood on my bike at Harbourd and St. George looking around wonderign what I shoudl do now. I had a meeting at the women centre in a few hours. But I felt that I no longer coudl just stay on campus. My plan was to take out the books and start reading in the park, I even brought a notebook and pencil to write poetry. But suddenly I was drained of creativity. I started to bike slowly away, luckily I ran into a friend ( the girl I ran FEP with) who was in the same situation. She was on her way to the library adn I told her the news, she felt as lost as I. We shared stories about waking up each morning, going to charity village then to the UofT carrer centre web site, fixign our resumes, writing cover letters, sending them off and hearing from no one. She had been doing this daily since April and had her first interview this week. I told her how I had applied to hand out towels at the AC, and the guy phoned me to say there have been over 200 applicansts and he will phone me back for an interview if I meet the criteria. FUCK an unviersity grad not qualitfied to hand out towels. Both Cian and I said that when we look at our resumes we are impressed, we wonder how others are selling themselves because we seem to not making an impact on anyone else. We gave each other a supportive hug and wondered away realizing that we no longer belonged at UofT . . . .

Sex eugenics

I have been thinking more and more about this binary sex - gender system our society has decided to embrace. I really feel that the idea that there are only two sexes and only two genders is the biggest propaganda
that has ever been brought to us. I want to concentrate on the idea of two sexes. What is interesting with this idea is that most people would say there are two sexes and they are biological. Genders on the other I would argue is more widly accepted that it can be socially constructed and that there are different ways to perform ones gender. The myth of the two sexes is one of the greatest lies that we have told our selves. In our moderist scientific world, we see the world in two sexes and therefor anyone that deviants from this norm must have a defect. This is the problem with modernism and science, it can only understnad things in the terms and structures it already has in place. They have create a catigory for those who don't fit neatly into this two-tier sex system. They are called intersexed. The idea is most people are born either male or female and there is a group of people that are beween the 2 sexes. They have "ambigious" genitalia. They have underdeveloped or overdeveloped genitalia. And are seen as having a birth defect.

I will have to look up the number of children that are catigorized in this way, but I will say confindently that there are more than you may think. So in our sceintific modern system we have two sexes, this is believed by the scientisits the doctor and the general population. Therefor when a child born with "abigious" genitalia, a panic sets in the doctors involved feal the nead to "fix" this child as soon as possible. The parents of this new born are told that their child has a birth defect and the doctors can fix it. The generally say it is easier to turn this child into a girl, the running joke being "its easier to make a hole then a pole". And the subsiquiently this child is then raised as a girl, often not feeling right in their own skin.

Other way of saying "ambigious" genitalia is to say that the child is born with a sex that is neither male or female, that they are indeed another sex altogether. It could be possible to have a child that can have three or four or seven different possiblities as the sex that they will be assigned. We could leave children allone and when they are more aware of their bodies and sleves they can decided where they feel they fit it. Basically in order to maintain a created distiction of two sexes, doctors are willing to mutilate new borns. The image that comes to mind in an assembly line, a baby pops out, the doctor has a look at it, it goes into the blue line or the pink line (becuase yes sex and gender are confused) if the doctor is havign a hard tiem disiffering what line the child should go into, the ego machine comes in. This machine keep the doctor ego intact that HE knows the difference between a boy and a girl, and this machine changes this child to fit into the ideal the doctor has in mind. Then everyone can take a freash breath of air because they were able to keep the assembly lines running. They fixed the mistake. This is why I say it is the hugest propaganda because the majority of people wouls see this situation as fixign a mistake. And rightly so considerign everything in our society reinforces the idea that there are only 2 sexes. The social construction is so think that it is seen as biological so.

It reminds me of Rabbit Proof fences, when the white men are saying that if you breed a "half breed" with a white for 3 generations they will become white again. Fixing the mistake of "ambigious" race. Reinforcing the idea that race is biological and not socially constructed. Maintaining a pure race. Its exactly what is happening. Sex eugenics through child mutilation and hormones is legal in order to ensure the maintance of a pure binary sex system.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

A vegan twist!

Ok normally my vegan rants have to do with food . . . which makes sence. You're thinking ok tobie, food vegan rants make sence, clothes is obvius so get over it what is this new vegan rant you are about to bring on to us. Well let me tell you. I just got off the phone with Mud and she told me that she was at Come As You Are the other day with B and they noticed that they were selling vegan condoms. Vegan they asked, that seems to be implying that regular condoms are not vegan. Were not talking about sheep skin condoms, were talking about regular everyday condoms. Apparently they are manufactured with some sort of a milk product. WHO KNEW!!! Damn this sleeping with a boy thing, I have been breaking veganism. The other day I was asked how often I break it, well now my answer has drastically changed. hehehe I'm thinking I might have to invest in some of these vegan condoms, they even have flavoured ones! How vegan cool will I be then. I just have to find myself a vegan boy or someone to share toys with that will appriciate the condoms!!

ok people, blogger seems to be sucking lately . . . there are comments here and on other posts, but they seem to be hiding . . . if you press refresh sometimes they come up, if that doesn't work, well you will just have to come back again :)

Monday, June 09, 2003

At Sodexho - it's about people.

yesterday I was doing some more job hunting, and I clicked on the yahoo jobs for the first time. Once there you decide what city and what area of work you want to search. I pressed Toronto and food industry. The first three that popped up were for Sodexho. Each had this slogen . .. At Sodexho - it's about people. Collaborating. Innovating. About people eh! what about the privatized prisons they invest in . . . is sodexho about those people? How about all the people who protest them in an attempt to get them off their school campusus . . .is sodexho about those people? How about all the unhappy minimum waged people working for them . . . is sodexho for those people? How about there lack of variety in hallal, kosher, veggie or vegan food . . . is sodexho for those people? It is just another empty propagamda slogan that means absolutely nothing, cause as it seems to me, people is the last thing sodexho is thinking about, it seems that money is the only thing on there mind.

Sunday, June 08, 2003

I have two things to say:

1. I have never met a more pathetic loser then my other roommate . . . he is still holding a grudge about us letting Marike stay here for a week, one month ago. He started a fight about it yesterday and said some of the most pathetic lame things I have ever heard. Mine you these were the first workds he has said to us in 3 weeks. He has been festering this whole time about how he has lost repect for us . . . . blah blah blah. . . anyways the final results are we are not to say hi or how are you to each other, we are not on speaking terms at all . . this apartenlty will make him happy. Good luck in life amigo

2. My cheeks are larger than life, and today I decided I can't ever get fat, cause I am NOT cute with fat cheeks. Tons of people pull of the chubby cheek thing well . . myself not so cute :)