lost and no longer belonging
Today I biked over to UofT to the library, I was going borrow the recommended preperation reading for the equality program. First I had to pay a few fines, while at the desk I asked the women if my account was clear immediately and if I would be able to take out books that day. She looked at the computer then at me and asked if I registrared at UofT. I answered yes, then she asked me when I was convicating, I told her a week tomorrow. She informed me that last night they updated their files, and I have taken out of their system. She handed me a flyer that infomed me the cost of becoming an alumni library user. I walked out of there studdend, unsure what to do. Feeling that I no longer belong at the institution that I have been part of for years. I stood on my bike at Harbourd and St. George looking around wonderign what I shoudl do now. I had a meeting at the women centre in a few hours. But I felt that I no longer coudl just stay on campus. My plan was to take out the books and start reading in the park, I even brought a notebook and pencil to write poetry. But suddenly I was drained of creativity. I started to bike slowly away, luckily I ran into a friend ( the girl I ran FEP with) who was in the same situation. She was on her way to the library adn I told her the news, she felt as lost as I. We shared stories about waking up each morning, going to charity village then to the UofT carrer centre web site, fixign our resumes, writing cover letters, sending them off and hearing from no one. She had been doing this daily since April and had her first interview this week. I told her how I had applied to hand out towels at the AC, and the guy phoned me to say there have been over 200 applicansts and he will phone me back for an interview if I meet the criteria. FUCK an unviersity grad not qualitfied to hand out towels. Both Cian and I said that when we look at our resumes we are impressed, we wonder how others are selling themselves because we seem to not making an impact on anyone else. We gave each other a supportive hug and wondered away realizing that we no longer belonged at UofT . . . .