not a pretty girl

a new person with each new experience

Saturday, May 24, 2003

hating cops and hoping for confirmation

last night cbeb and I went to see Squeezee punks in traffic at the toronto permire. Even though cbeb had seen it before he had the directors on his radio show and that must have sparked a new interest to see it again. It was a documetary shown from one punk from Montreal's perpective. He is a street squeezee kid and a beautiful wonderful character. After watching that movie I had the urge to kick and distroy cops (more than normal). Watching how the city bulldoged these street peoples homes, burnt there belongings disgusted me. There was clips of politicians saying we need to make squeezeeing illegal so our citizens don't have to see these people. It is such classist bullshit, the rich are allowed to flant there lifestyle and values all over our society, not only do they have that freedome, they want to illiminate a diversity in lifestyles and classes. Those poor rich people having to witness poverty in there daily lives boo hoo.
There was this scene at an anti-poverty protest in Ottawa, that seemed really intense, the cops were spraying pepper spray right into the eyes of the protestors. So brutal, but I'm sure the media concentrated on the fact that anarchist were destructive, that they ruined property. In this capitalist society propery is much more important then digintiy of human life.

Oh and I got an emial from UC Dublin:

We hope to write to you making an offer of a place on the Master of
Equality Studies programme in September 2003, subject to the
approval of the Academic Council Executive Committee. However
we note that you may need some special suppport and would be
grateful if you could let us know what your needs would be so that
we can contact the Disability Support Office to ensure adeqaute
facilitites are available.. We would like to be sure that we would be
able to provide the support you need.

Perhaps you could email me, if you are still interested in
discussing the possibility of accepting an offer here in UCD, and let
me know.

With very best wishes

Friday, May 23, 2003

lately people have been asking me about my blog, if my writing here is filtered, if I write the same way I would write in a journal, if its like writing letters to my friends etc. I woudl have to say it depends, for example this entry is dirrected at those reading it. But this is not always the case. When ever there is a rant of intence emotion, I am typing so fast things only about getting the thoughts out, not editing for the audience. Those entries are similar to one in my personal journal entires. The poems are filtered in the sence that I don't put all of them up here, but the one I do are not sensored. But I have in the past got self conscious about a poem that I have put up and taken down the next morning. I do much writing that never makes it anywhere near the blog, sometimes because I'm too lazy to rewrite it and sometiem because it is to personal and I don't feel like sharing. But it is true that not all of my entries are rants or poems. There is a large chuck of entries that are more for entertainment value, moments that I want to share, yesterdays short entry plus comment is an example. I do hope that people are enjoying it. Either way I am enjoying posting here as an outlet of creative writing energ and an opportunity to begin dialogue with friends and fellow bloggers. . .

Thursday, May 22, 2003

urban granola's
we walked far.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

It has been so long since I have posted I felt overwhelmed today with where to start, so I decided to stick to 2 topics: Nudity and Mid-life crisis
Nudity . . . I have become more and more comfortable with nudity in the past few years, my own, others, sexual and non-sexual . . . I went to my first bath house about a year ago, althought I was excited to go it took much courage to actually get out the door. I wore a bathing suit for most of the evening and eventually took off my top. I think the fear here was that it was a sexualized space. I mean I was sitting in a hot tub, talking to this girl I met at a part a few days before, the party was a custume party, so I was supper confindent, now we were sitting here naked. Its too bad the pussy palce lost its licquer licence because a little drink coudl have really helped with that situation. I didn't have a problem with other peoples nudity but the sefl consiouness was holdign me back, but by the end I lost much of my inhibitions got involved in a iiol massage line and had sex with two girls.
Non sexual nudity, really doesn't seem to be much a problem at all, I talk about wishing that going topless was more socailly acceptable because on hot days I woudl like to be able to take off my top. Even thought it is legal people who were raised in our society have not been socialized to deal with nudity. I would not want to have to deal with the comments that would be directed my way. I have seen many of my friends in every stages of nudity, I have hung out with friends who sat there wearing but underwear on a hot day. I'm already use to seeing huge groups of nude women walking around (work) and yesterday I saw a few men who choose to wear nothing at the "clothign optional beach", while I was a teenager I would have be grossed out by all the penises hanging around. But yesterday I was compleatly at ease, I wanted to take off my top adn walk along the beach, I knew that it would be a safe space and that non of the other beach dwellers woeuld be making any comments, but I wan't very assertive with that thougth and the clothing optional beach journey was vetoed.
Although I am not a nudist, and I havn't ever been to a nudity collony(props to those who have --- you know who you are) I still am very nude positive and want to continue pushing my boundaries with nudity sexual and non seuxal-- public and private. . . .

Ok the next thought stream for the day. Mid-life crisis.... I really dont' like this term, I think it is a continuation of children not acknowling there parents as people. And a way to discrimmate against adults that refuse to work within the capitalist normative structure. As people we are always growing, changing, developing and learning. As people in our 20' and 30's [and some teenagers ;)] we are selves and people we know are out takign part of interesting, wonderful and exciting adventures. But when we see someone in there 40's and 50's doign the same we shout mid life crisis. It makes me think that we arn't as "left" as "progressive" or as excepting as we think we are. When ever I hear someone declaring an action is part of a midlife crisis, it amkes me feel that they are truely buying it to the system. I mean, by saying that someone in there 40's or 50''s are filling a role that they shoudln't at there age, you are then saying at a certain age it is inevitlabe we will have to become captialist corporate pigs, or at least saying that bohimiem or anarchy or activist have some sort of a timeline and as once as you hit that line you are too old to talk part in the revolution. In my world the best way to make change it to have everyone workign at it. to have more and more people who have joined the corporate world and/or sold there souls to capitalism to free themselves. To realize th at work is not life, that making moeny is not life, but life is experiencing, exploring and sharing these things with those around you . . . this rant is partially coming because my dad just returned from a 6 month travelign adventure . . . most people would WHY? WHAT is he doing? or say mid life crisis . .. I'm not saying all this to be defeinsive about him. But say that I see agism exist in the activist communities, as if only students are able to think outside of the constructed box. . . I jsut want to encourage more people to go and explore, experince and actually LIVE!!!!