tobie's high levels of anxiety almost ruined a perfectly fabulous evening . . . thats how I would start a pulp novel on last night . . . but really I was a bit of a spaz yesterday . . . sneaky dees on a thursday night, 20 people, 3 different tables, I know how we can make this more stressful, lets through cbeb in the mix, I know you havn't seen him in about two months, and you never had closer, but he would be perfect to add to the event . . . ahhhh!!! that was the biggest anxiety moment,

the biggest disappointment in that kim and sk never met, i was starting to wonder if it was ment to be, cuz really sk left asking where kim was and just moments later kim pulled up when I said that sk just left she said how she jsut got back from the cottage and took a cab here in hopes to meet sk . . .maybe next lifetime . . .

now the biggest relief moment . . . the lovely bri had walked in the same moment that I was talking to cbeb - - we are much the same in that we get caged, as she put in, in events and palces like this . . . so her anxiety was at extreams since she had just gotten back from three months of serentity and solitude and arrived in the caotic city, are anxieties clashed she left adn we both felt unsure of what just happened . . . but the one and only bri came back and we had a private wonderful moment together outside away from the insanity, a moment of peace that brought my focus back and redirected my love . . .

and for the happy times, well so many people came out, and it was wonderful to see everyone for the last time. And once it was only ten people and 1 table my anxiety vanised and I was able to relax and socialize like a intergrated member of our society . . . everyone was wonderful and made me feel so loved and made me realize how many lives I have touched and how many people have made a difference in my world. regan made me this scrap book of photos over the past three years, I read it last night while I sat on her bed, it really was the most beautiful presant I have ever gotten--ok it is in compition with sals cds . . .and she gave me "The Alchemist" which is wonderful on its own but it gets better, it was given to her by her best friend for cape bretton, and that girl got it from a good friend aswell, I am to give it to someone who needs it. It is such a beautiful idea, all of our names are written in the front cover . . . and maybe one day it will makes its way home . . .

and now for the perfect moment of the evening . . . a few of us the brave ones, headed down to velvet after sneaky dees . . . I always love a good goth night no cover, no line up and free beer . . . and the entertainment level is at its best . . . after an hour of dancing to "GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS, FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE" surrounded by people taking it compleatly seriously we decided it was time to hit the road, we are putting on our jackets when we all stop in our tracks, we know this song, what is it? FRANK SINATRA by Miss KITTEN . . .we dropped our bags and jackets so fast and ran for the dance floor, the four of us took over and marveled in the fact we had never heard that song played in a club before . . . velvet never seaks to amaze me . . . "mother fuckers are so nice , suck me dick and lick my ass" it was a perfect ending . . . for those who know I made cd for my brothers b-day in may that went over so well that it was made for several other people one of the songs was frank sinatra . . . another one was playgirl by ladytron . . . which is another track that we had never heard out, but as we walked down queen talking about the cosmic forced that played that song for me, my last night in TO, we heard playgirl coming from another club . . . someone loves me!!