today on my way to tangos I was biking down ossington pretty fast, in the corner of my eye I say someone turn there head away really fast . . .I looked over, low and behold it was the evil roommate. This just added to his level of patheticness, by the time I saw him it was too late I had past him at full speed. This happened once before but I had the chance to say hi, he looked so uncomfortable. It imazine the legths he goes to avoid any contact with us (or just me now).

at tangos I ran into an old friend of mine from highschool. He actually was with the same group of people I was with, I swear torontos queer world is way too small. I hadn't seen this boy in over a year, but we knew all about each others lives, the grape vine really works wonders. I knew about his year in buffullo at teachers college, he knew about the name change, and apparently has been telling other people about it. Crazy. We did the whole catch-up thing, everyone seems to be doing such imagizing things, I'm really impressed by my group of highschool friends. I know that this boy and I will never be at the same level of friendship that we once were, we have taken different paths and even though they still cross on occation the moments are brief. I started to thing about highschool and reunions. A few months ago I watched Romi and Michelles High School Reunion, which sparked a discussion on weither or not you would go to your highschool reunion and why. Many of my friends were not in the popular groups in highschool (hence why I get allong with them so well) they have blossomed and become really cool strong peoplr dispite years of torturous highschool memories. Some of the disussion about why people would go is to show how well they did dispite the lack of support the other students gave them. There was this air of "revenge of the nerds", this idea that people would finally beable to tell off that bully or the homophobic jock or who ever had made there life particuarly hellish. But I was thinking those reasons and others like them are a continuous process of proving your self to these people. If you still feel that you need to prove yourself to the highschool bully then you are giving them back that control.

I think the real point of going to the reunion, the health reason for going is not to prove yourself to someone, but to fill your curiousity and see what others are up to. Just hearing what my friends are up makes me curious. I think the point is to be compleatley comfortable with yourself, so you can be postive about the people around you. I think that if I get to the point that I'm more comfortable with me, I might want to go to the reunion, not to prove that I made it, just cuz I might start caring about this people that I once knew (I wonder if the "cool" kids have actually become cool or if they are the same assholes with a business degree and capitalist power) I feel sometimes I still care what the "cool" person thinks of me, how the "popular" kid pertrieves me. And I think I'm still a bit jelous of the rich pretty kids. So until I get over those issues, going to the reunion will just stir up bad memories. The last thing you need is the reunion to be a repeat of everything you hated about highschool.

I still have a few years before I have to really start thinking about it . . .