i'm too young for heart disease

Just moments ago I went to the OSAP web site after checking the OCAPwebsite and my heart when from filled with joy to a possible heart attack in only moments. I have had so many problems this year with OSAP since I'm living so very far away. Even though I filled out the application form in June and had my college fill out all the forms they needed to in august, I still am waiting on the money. Which isa a bit of a problem since the second instalment of my rez fees and tution was due on the first of Febuary.

The good news is from the web site it looks like they have sent me the money, the bad news is that I clicked on this section money given to date; fuck I almost had a heart attack. First of all they included the disability bursary from this year and the nice mulenium one from last year (i don't get that one any more since I'm living out of the country - I got the same amount as last year but more loans and less bursarys) which I don't need to pay back, but at initial glance it seemed that I did. The amount stopped my heart from beating.

You see I took two years of college and worked my way through so the first three years plus my mess up year and the ryerson coursed I took I paid on my own. In my last year of college I said fuck it I need to get a loan. It will only be one year of money to pay back, but I can work less concentrate on getting good marks and school activism which will help me get into my masters.

The plan back fired, in the sence that it worked perfectly. If I didn't take the first loan I would have had to work more my last year, got lower marks as a result and be less active in SEC, FEP, ESSU and so on. This would have resulting in me not getting into the postgrad program and subsiquently not needing the second and the soon third loan. But the plan it self was to get into my masters and here I am.

Last week at UofT they had this debt graduation, to fight the rise in tution fees. It sounded brillant. And at this point I have a significant number that I would be able to join in such senanigans. And salvo, in a sence I am starting to feel the anxiety you feel when dealing with your student loans.

ahhhhh!!!