I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure

I have got to such a good place in my life now in terms of sex, I have figured out what I like, what I like to do. I have started to communicate both of these things much more openly. I am comfortable letting go and making noise on my terms. I am able to relax enough to cum. And I know there is so much more to explore, which I look forward to trying. Now that I have reached such a place it would be nice to have a girlfriend and explore with her. For the moment I’m not into having one night stands since the constant sex has been such good sex that keeps getting better. The reason it keeps getting better is the trust and comfort that is there between us. I have been having sex for 7 and a bit years now, and I have to say that right now is one of the best times, I suppose it only gets better to. They say that a women in her thirties is at the peek of her sex drive, I look forward to that time and hope that I will have someone wonderful to explore and have fun with at that time.

In the past I had been slightly preoccupied with roles and with expectations. When I first started having sex with girls I did a switch over from being the one who pleases to be the one who is pleased, but in reality that didn’t change all that much, in both cases I was more of the passive one in the relationship. Not that this was a hard and fast rule, I did try many different things. But the girls I went for tended to be very boyish themselves and many of them would identify as genderqueer or trans and from that gendered position were more inclined to take the active role. And this is also not to say that I havn't been having great sex for these years, its not that I'm talking about its more the feeling of comfort that I didnt' even nessissarily realize I was missing that is making the difference.

In many but not definitely all of my sexual relationships there has been this sense of holding back, not quite comfortable, not saying exactly what I wanted to say and so on. Even as I discover the power and joy of fisting both doing and receiving there was something (shame, embarrassment, awareness of self) that held me back from the true potential of pleasure and comfort.

I could look back at all the reasons for those experiences which many of which would result in the invasion of my body and space from many men who did not have the same sense of knowledge and respect for sexuality that I feel I am now in procession of.

Instead I want to look at where I am now. What I would say has happened now is that I found a relationship that is healthy and egalitarian. I have found something that is fun and easy. And in this relationship I am able to bring together my years of experimentation and exploring with confidence. And I am able to try new things on the same level as the things that I already know are true and true. And with being with an open minded boy I am able to explore my own boy side with out feeling there are any conflicting roles.

Who knew that it would be with a boy that I got over the boy – girl roles and expectations of what sex is. Who knew it would be with a boy that memories of horrible sexual experience would play no part. Who knew that I would bring into practice a radical possibility of pleasure on a constant basis . . .


I Like Fucking
Hey! Do you believe there's anything
Beyond troll guy reality?
I do, I do, I do
It gets so hard
Just to be okay
Sometimes being happy baby is what
I'm most afraid of
Baby, you know, it gets so hard for
Me to fight
I don't know how I guess I never did
Why don't you show me how
How to lose control?
(She's so very, I don't care)
Just cuz my world, sweet sister
Is so fucking goddamn full of rape
Does that mean
My body must always be a source of pain?
No, no, no
(She's so very I don't care. She's so very, I don't care)
Just cuz I named it right here sweet
Chickadee don't mean for a minute you
Should think I'm opposite of anything
But if you wanna know for sure
I'll tell you
We're not gonna prove nothing nothing
Sittin around watching each other starve
What we need is action/strategy
I want, I want, I want
I want it now
I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe
I do, I do, I do