one more fear has been faced . . . today my mom and I biked over to the local pool, the pool which I worked at my first summer outdoors, the first three guards I saw I knew from the Olympium. Olympium is the indoor pool that grasped my soul for 6 years. It was the pool that watched and wispered as I went through the insanity of adolence. They were the people you gossiped and issolated me my years there. These are the people who I would rather never have to see again. A few things have changed from those dark years, I have developed a stronger sense of self, I have developed confidnece and I have grown my body hair!! The lifeguard world is so compleately hetero, so compleate jocky and so compleately against having any body hair. While I worked with these people I often flet self concious about my body hair. the thing is it is impossible for me to ever have smooth legs the way these girls do . . . mainly because of the PCOD I have lots of dark think hair. Being away from these people has freed me to celebrate my body hair. I love it --- I use to allow these people to have power over me. I use to let my emotions be controled by their comments--- as I locked my bike up I had a momentary feeling of dread by facing these people. This moment of uncertainity was filled with thoughts that if they ask me what I'm doing what will I say living at home looking for work ahhhhhhh, its kinda like the highschool reunion thing you want to be able to say that you are suceeding at some level. But them I remember even though this work was easy money how much I hated the job. So many people get stuck in it and are close to 30 and are still guarding. So I walked in head up high sporting my body hair, and my disinterst in working with the city. I said hello to everyone did the small chat caught up on the gossip went for a swim and waved goodbye realizing that even these people can't get to me. I have passed a level of confidence never to go back.