It is really interesting how ones present location easily becomes the norm for them, regardless of ones position we still see ourselves as self and everyone else as other. Even in marginalized places you can see how society does not see you as the norm but in your own community it is so easy to feel that this is the way things are.

That random line comes from a week of remembering that my knowledge, experience and location are clearly not like others and likewise I do not have the same view that others have. My politics on sex, gender, sexuality capitalism etc, do not always fit into the mainstream views. Yet I seem to surround myself with people who have similar views or are open to accepting that I have these views. Therefore I sometimes forget that my views are not the mainstream since they frequently validated in my world. Since I received this validation and respect for my ideas I have not often had to articulate them to people with views that are extremely opposite to me. With strangers I can defend my option if need be, but when people that are closer to me have very different views than I do I feel that I don’t always come by as articulate. I feel this comes from this deep imbedded desire to be liked. Sometimes I don't want to give my option because I'm scared that I will be judged and a friend will lose respect for me. The irony here is that I have dom't have a problem if others don’t feel like me, I don't lose respect for them..

For example, I deal with the poly issue all the time and many if not most of the people closest to me do not practice polyamory, and they do not think it is for them. At the same time they respect me decisions and I feel safe in expressing how I feel about those issues. But I didn't always feel safe in freely talking about it since I knew that the people around me didn't think polyamory was a good idea. Poly is something that I have gotten more and more comfortable with over recent years and have shed away much of the guilt that I feel comes with that way of approaching life. It is sad that those who do hold the mainstream option are privildged in that they don't need to go aroudn deffending there option. But the moment you step out you have to continuously explain or defend your position.

Having children is another clear example of this. How many people are questioned why they want to have children, it generally is accepted that when someone wants to have kids later in life that that is the normal behaviour. But if you are to say I don't want to have kids, many things happen. First of all people will question you, secondly they will not give you respect, instead there will be this surge of patrinizing where they tell you things like oh that will change, you will want to later blah blah blah. Those who are having the kids need to be stopped and questioned not hte other way around!

I my life I feel I'm in a constant process of unlearning. And much of that unlearning has to do with letting go of guilt. I feel we are socialized to be heterosexual, monosexual, capitalist, along with other things. To decide that you don't want to fit into those constructs carries with it guilt that you are disappointing those around you. I have felt that guilt with a few things, but as my confidence builds up I drop that behind me and try to live up to my ideals and that those of others. So poly is one issue that I no longer am scared to express and I'm not scared of being judged because that’s who I am. I respect monogamy {even though sometimes I get frustrated with it ;)} and I respect all those who believe in it and practice it.

My point of all this is that in everyday life I am becoming more and more conscious that my ideas are not always the norm. I'm use to respecting others options and ideas since they are the ideas that I was raised with but I don't always expect the same level of respect for mine. It really should be that friends, family and people in general respect each others difference and diversity of thought, how I respect my friends who choose to eat meat and animal products and they respect my decision not to. But this is not how things are and sadly I'm use to people not respecting veganism, queerness, poly etc.

In the past week or so I have come up with many run-ins with things that are central to my being. I have had discussions around drag, transgederism, poly, porn, bathhouses, being out, queerness, anti-capitalism, and veganism all with people have very different ideas then I about them then I did. Being out of school this is something that I will have to deal with I felt that I dealt fairly well with these discussions. Most of them the people gave me space to hear what I had to say and I tried to do the same. Yet there are some discussions that I felt that from the get go the person writes me off as being to radical and doesn't talk what I have to say seriously. Or they say what you are doing is wrong, instead of that’s not what I would do.

When from the get go I feel that I'm being judged I don't feel as safe to express myself. And referring back to my first line, writing me off as too radical sees really funny to me. First of all from my perspective my options don't seem radical at all. I understand I'm left but I don't feel radical or way out there. Just as I see my life as norm and not that radical, the people who I have had these talks with see there ideas as norm and since I'm more left then them that places me in this category as radical to them. But anyone who knows me know that’s I'm not to out there . . . anyways that’s all relative.

I really feel that it should come down to respect and treating people with dignity.

This will have to be continued later, it’s been a wonderful day, but very long and tiring . . .