I have so many thoughts to share, that I'm not sure if I will be able to articulate them clearly. I will start with the most random of them all. The Manican is back!! There is this apartment on Bloor that has this beautiful bay window and shear blinds. in their window there is this guy who peers out and watches passers go by. This plastic man had different hats and outfits for months looking very much like a real person.. He was always just peekign out, looking at me. I have always felt that one day I woudl become friends with these people. Really that type of humor gets me. So many people were caugh off guard, thinkin g that guys is starign at me, and then realize there mistake, claiming "that is so creepy". So last month he was gone, the blinds were shut and I was sad. I wanted him back. I thought about writing a note on their door. "I miss your manican, will he be making an apperance any time soon? A concerned neighbour." But really I don't even know which door is theres, and that coudl be kinda creepy. So I refraned and every day I looked up, hoping, wishing that he woudl come back. And fially today, on my way hom from Kims, I l ooked up and there he was. Not even peekign this time, the blinds were thrown back exposing himself in full view. He was wearing shorts, hopefull thinking I guess, and a new hat. I smiled at him, I think he knew that I am very happy that he joined us once again :)

As I said I just got home from Kim's, she had a party there, and Regan came with me (thank you sweetie, you rock my world) it was good times, jello shotters and all. It took me a while to feel comfortable. It is partly socail anziety. Who ara all these people what will I say to them blah blah balh. For a while I mind coudl not relax and just go with the flow. I hate that because I know there is nothign to be scared of, these are just people, like you and me. I like to be a social person and have a good time, but I just could not relax. I tend to gravitate towards smaller groups. the outsiders, the outcasts, the loners and freaks. These are the people I tend to talk too. I tried to talk with all these people and it just wasn't happening. I made my way into the kitchen, safety of the smaller room, and started to talk to people there, and was my quirky witty self. After time there I ventured out. I made it to the bigger room and sat down next to the geeky gay guys that were ingrossed in there own conversatoin, but had not made it to the large group yet. And again with them, happy, witty, interested and all that good jazz. I realized that the issue at first was not just soical anziety. It had to do with the other group had ten years on me, and there were all in the music industry. So stage of life and interest got in the way, I have mastered beign relaxed and havign a good tiem with like minded people(believe me that took a while:) I have to work on the smuchign with people that initically it doens't seem that you have anything in common with. Too bad the social anziety had to take over so much of my evening, because I was relaxed and having a good time.

I'm going to chat with SAl and Marike now, they are int eh other room. The other issues I woudl love to explore soon are: life as a game and how that plays out, and marriage or futhure life plans:) .