blog shy

When I first heard of blogs three years ago I was living with three boys up north (lawrence and bathurst). One of the boys started dating this girl who kept a daily log of her life. My roommate watched his relationship unfold and open to critque on the internet. We were all intritued by this online journal. One of our friends was particularily captivated, she read the blog obsessivley checking to see if anything she sad had capivated the writer enough to get an entry. I was so glad that it was not me dating this girl, I mean every moment of their dates was exposed, I would have been very self consoius. I think the roommate was going on anego trip since this girl totally dug him, they eventually broke it off, but I'm sure the blog kept them together longer just so said roommate coudl read about how all of her friends thought he was sweet and hot. Well my friend who was captivated met her dream girl, a girl who kept a blog. They started to date, my friend would read this blog daily seeing how her new crushes admiration was growing .. . .the thing was the blog girl didnt' know that my friend knew about the her blog. Regardless they are still together now!

I found both of these experiences very creepy. If you are starting a relationship with someone I feel that they should get to know you by talking to you not just reading about you. On top of that reading how your dates are percieved is just wrong, it take the fun out of the game, not to mention it gives the reader this unfair advatnage aobut knowing what the other person is thinking with out having to share. Plus I feel that one will act differently if their every move was being commented on not only by the person they are dating but also my their friends and admirers.

A few months ago when I started to read catsy, stephs and elianes blog I started to understand all the good things a blog could be . . .I realized how much fun it coudl be and that it is a great way to share random things with people that you don't see everyday. It also has been a great way for me to get over my fear of poeple reading my poerty since there is a seperation between them reading it and me. Aswell I have been learning some basic computer skills !!

Due to my expereince of dating and blogging, I have not been posting very much about cbeb on this blog at all. For a month I didn't even give him the address . . .but now he has it and reads it I feel I must continue to censor my entries. SK said to me why dont' you just write it as it is . . . and I do most of the time . . .I have writen poems about people knowing full well that they will read them . .. but again there is a seperation. I dont' see these people all the time, and maybe more importantly, most people who read this either know me really well or not at all so I don't feel vulnerable exposing my self to them.

Now that the cbeb can and is reading this blog I really wonder if I can just let myself say things as they are. I tried writing things in poetry form, almost disquishing the writing. I had hoped that he had read it and figure that I was talking about him. But of course he hadn't and I mentioned it to him . . .AHHH way to exposed, he now will be reading it with the awareness that I'm writing about him . . . so oh course I deleated the post ; )

This is just one small step back in the shy blog world, I will write more in the future that is raw and honest but right now I must take a step back. The one thing that I hate about blogs started to enter into my world and I just can't deal. Althought I deleated the poem the last line of it was "all that needs to be known is that I adore you"

Ok so I'm still exposing my thoughts but not the full poem . . .that was way to much . . . off to job hunt now . .wish me luck