vienna vienna . . . I can't believe I left sunny dublin to arrive in rainy vienna, there is something not quite right about that. I feel so alive here, talking to marike, her politics adn feminism work very well with where I have been before and deffinatly where I am now. Talking to her is always stimulating and pushes my boundaries. Being here Iam ready to do a workshop on gender for her festival, even though I am a bit nervous about the whole thing, I know that I can do it and the ideas are flowing. Her boy friend said that he would come to my workshop but he wouldn't speak since he gets nervous speaking in front of people. It was comfortable yet self shocking to realize that I am no longer that person. I do still have fear of speaking but now if there is something that I feel needs to be said I don't wait and hope someone else says it I speak my mind. I am always good now if its one of those situations where turns are given and you don't have to put yourself way out there. And I have to be careful not to dominate if it is in an environment where I am compleatley comfortable with the people and the topic energizes me.

On this wave length I had a few thoughts the other night after a talk I went to by Judith Halberstam. (SN: AHHH I GOT TO SHE HER AND WHILE I WAS THERE I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR JUDITH BUTLER!!! MY QUEER THEORY QUOTA IS BEING FILLED AND FILLED WELL) At the end of her fantasitc talk and discussion of photography of subcultures, specifically gender transgression there was the Q&A section. This section in talks I use to go to in Toronto always pissed me off, it was usually males but not alway professors that spoke for ever on everything that they know about the topic and then make some abscure point or question. And then the speaker in almost a defensive stance would respond, while the rest of the audience would sit there not asking questions as they were not as knowledgable of the topic and afraid to bring down the level of discussion.

well here we are in a room a mainly queer women and the first three questions were done in the same manor. I was frustrated by this, but it was the way the responces were done that got me thinking. The positive approach to the responces was that Judith was not at all defensive, she took notes and said things like that is helpful. As if we were contributing to the wider discussion and this was not her paper but a much wider look at the photography, ethics and display of gender non conformity. Following that though I was upset at the dynamics, disussion points from the audience were directed at her and she respsonded. But these were not questions to ask an expert but rather discussions that could be had on the topic from all. I felt that the opints made by the long flowed accidmeics could have be throwen back into the audience, that we could have a great round talbe discussion on the topic.

The audience just from the people that I know consisted of photographers, drag kings, queers theorists, and more that would have lots to add to such a discussion. They did say that the next day she was doing a talk in temple bar and it would be much less formal. I hope that there was more of what I was looking for there.

Again on this topic, I have to be ready to bring up a debated point at lady fest. Here in Vienna the feminism is at a differnet place then you would see in dublin or north america. When a workshop is not open to men, it says open to women, lesbians and trans. This seems very seventies where lesbians are not seen under the catigory women but need to be said in order to have people know that they are included. I can be guilty of this myself since when writing my womens officer flyer I wrote bio women and trans initally -wanting to ensure that trans people knew that they were included in the events I was planning but after talking to james about it changed it to all identified women. I am planning on bring this challange up at the workshop on ladyfest. I'm sure that other queer women will have similar objections to the language and marike said that if I am beign bullied over this she will speak up aswell.

Off to explore the city with no guide, no map and no german!!! It shall be an adventure.