introspection
I biked home after a wonderful night out with ginger at alternative miss ireland, the bike ride was mainly peaceful expect for of course my ultra concious mind of where guys were on the street, why they were crossing towards me and so on. I was biking relatively slowly enjoying the pace. This past week - although slightly emotionally draining - it has been very relaxing. no classes, only one meeting, no work. I havnt' done all that much but I had much need allone time. Rejuvinating myself for the rest of the term. I tend to move so quickly that I dont' notice things I don't always appriciate the small things. On the way home I noticed a few doorways and alleyways that were very pretty - I had never seen them before.

When I locked up my bike at UCD I stopped and looked up to the sky, it was a clear night. I didn't have to go to the washroom (which is odd) so I lied down on a bench, stare up at the stars, listened to the birds and thought about life -people, myself. Wondered why silences between people make me uncomfortable. My friend clare had a friend say to her the other day. 'I'm sorry I don't talk more, sometime I just don't have anything to say'. As clare said, its is just that simple. There should be no reason to feel uncomfortable. we are not responsible to always have converstaions flowing. and sometimes there just isn't anything to say.

I love silence I really do, I just get slightly parinoid around other people and silence, I start thinking that the next thing I say better be good - it has to be something witty in order to break the silence. I want to be able to leave that behind. To be more comfortable in my own skin, my own silence.

hBefore I get to deep into this I think I will sign off . . . its five am and the electrcity metter is beeping . . .all signs that I should turn off the machine and get some sleep.