I have seen a few dating shows lately that have seriously disturbed me.  In an era of Temptation Island, dating shows have lost much of their innocence and coyness.  People seem to want to know what they are getting themselves into before going on that precious date.  A few weeks back I sat, mouth opened in shock while I watched this dating show on mtv.  The show was based around the idea that the best way to get to know someone is by going through there room.  So the women, who all lived with their parents still, agreed to participate . . . I’m sure they begged to go on actually.  Without prior knowledge they where pried from there homes and placed in this truck where together they could watch this stranger filtered through their things. 
 
The guy then, who said his hobbies were women and his nic name was playboy, went through their underwear to see if they were sexy enough for him, read their poetry to see if they were ‘normal’ enough for him, and went through their clothes and stuff to see if they were cool enough for him.  The whole while comments like “ahh how cute” were echoed from the girls.  
 
A friend pointed out that this whole thing could be a set up and predetermined, regardless the idea that it is ok to invade someones privacy and judge your combatability with someone by the size of there bra cup and the sexiness of their underwear contributes to the complete objectification of the women and the idea that these are the traits that one should look for in a perspective partner.
 
The “winner” of the show was picked based on her nice house, her underwear, the fact that she is a cheerleader and that she tried out for American idol . . .(the playboy tried out too, he thinks he should be in a boyband, ahh how cute).  The one thing he didn’t like about her is that she smoked so as a present for being picked he gave her nicoret gum, ahh how sweet, he is trying to control her already!!! 
 
Regardless of the specifics of this sexiest asshole with the playboy bunny on the front of his card and naked women plastering his walls, the whole show was creepy and extremely violating.  It validated the jealous spying thing that you hear about in some unhealthy relationships.
 
Back in Toronto I have seen a few more dating shows, the first one was shocking but does crack me up.  The idea is that best way to get to know someone is to learn about someone is from exs.  So what happens is a guy and a girl go out on a date, all the while the girl has an ear piece that is connected to the guy past two exs.  While on the date she is feed information and told to ask embarrassing questions.  The exs are trying to convince the new girl not to go out with him.  The way he finds out if he woed her regardless of the gossip he opens this limos door, if the girl is there they go on a second date if not his two exs are their and they get a day at a spa. 
 
The thing about this show is that the two on the date don’t actually get to know each other at all.  The girl does not come up with any of her own questions or ideas, she is fead what to say and ask from the exs.  There is also the assumption that guys and girls once broken up no longer stay friends and that they would not want their exs to be happy in a new relationship.
 
The final one I say today is not a new idea.  It is one of those shows where four girls go on a date with one guy at the same time and he eliminates them one at a time.  This particular episode was exceptionally disturbing with extreme sexism, homophobia, sizism and anti-geek comments the whole way through.  Regardless of the particular show where the mom kept saying eliminate the chubby one, she is not his type.  The show encourages fighting among women for macho guys.  It is less about getting to know the guy then it is about putting another women down.  Whenever I have seen one of these the guy usually is horrible, extremely sexist, and yet the women fight over him.  And when a woman challenges his behaviour she doesn’t have to wait for him to defend himself since there are enough women out there ready to do it for him.  What is interesting about this particular show is that is not who wants to marry a millionare or about getting a date with some rich guy.  These women were fighting over some guy who still lives at home with his parents.  So sad. 
 
When ever I see these shows I am rooting for the women to cop on and name the guy for what he is and leave . . . but that would not be good for ratings.  Feminist would most likely not go on the show anyways but if they did their politics are not sexy so I’m sure they would be cut.  I wonder what a feminist or queer dating show would look like, the queer one would get ratings but I’m sure feminist dating show is contradictory in terms.  Having a camera document dating seems to add a level of the gaze and objectification that may not work within those politics.